My 1st colloquium :)

Just got back from my 1st colloquium!!! *insert fireworks*

Hye Dr. Bob! *waving frantically*

What an awesome day! Got ushered to the venue, fefeeling very the VIP uols!

Not only its F.R.E.E, they even gave out stationary for note-taking, nice tea breaks and delicious lunch too!

And while queuing for the buffet, cannot help but overhearing chatters from behind...

"Yang ramai-ramai ni siapa? Bukan students, bukan presenters, kan?"

"Nolah. They olls semua lecturers from other uni. Free laa katekan..." 

They even giggled, okey?

And they continued a bit more...

"I kalau ikutkan malas nak join tau? Dah la workshop pon kena join..."

Pehhhhh eksyen nye kau!

Kami sedar, kami terhegeh-hegeh join sebab its free. Tapi kami juga sedar, yang kami tak boleh memilih. Dapat pi yang ni pon dah habeh bangga dapat pasal buat kat luar kampus pehhhhh

Everything we heard today was so alien, we don't even dare to ask a single question! Words like mooc, gamification, pikunui are very basic vocabs to them!

 The very IT savvy Prof. Supyan Hussin

 The very cool Prof. Rozhan

The Managing Director of Pikunui Malaysia, Mr. Vincent Stocker

Aku betul-betul cemburu!

But at the same time, I am also glad that we had been given the chance to experience and learn new things today. 

Tazabar nak try it out once back in office!

Alamak. Esok all day Sports Day pulak.

Alhamdulillah. Semoga tidak kufur nikmat :)

Till then.

Love, me. 

*ending nak comel mcm Love, Vivy tapi tak jadi*

Nak mengadu.

Mula-mula suami tak balik rumah.
Kena kerja malam. Turn dia masuk keja.
Seminggu melayan anak sendiri.

Penat. 
Tapi, ada orang yang tak merasa lagi bahagia bersama anak-anak.
Syukur alhamdulillah.

Lepas tu anak ditimpa demam.
Platlet turun. Saspek denggi.
Siap warded lagi.

Penat.
Tapi, dapat masuk hospital swasta.
Layanan tiptop. Suami ada teman sentiasa.
Syukur alhamdulillah.

Lepas tu anak yang lagi satu pulak demam tetiba.
Tak lalu makan, muntah-muntah. 
Jumpa doktor, tonsil bengkak katanya.
Suami kembali sibuk tak balik malam kena keja.

Penat.
Tapi, lepas makan ubat dia kembali ceria. Kembali segar, kembali bertenaga.
Alhamdulillah. Syukur alhamdulillah.

Elok tak demam, hidung berdarah pula.
Hidung selesema. Badan kena gegata.
Ya Allah, penatnyaaaa!

Insyaallah, tuhan bagi cuti 3 hari sampai Isnin.
Mudahan emosi kuat, nak layan semua.
Sehat2lah semuanya ameeen!

Confused.

Alhamdulillah, I am blessed with a good life.
Yesteryears, at the moment and insyaallah in the future.

But there will always be time when I will not feel happy with myself.

***
My weekdays now are routines. Even weekends.
Routines that I know important to make sure everything goes well.

Routines, however, sometimes make me feel so dry.

I wanted to break away from the routine. But I can't. I won't.
Because I am afraid to disrupt the cycle that I myself build.

***
I no longer know myself.
Sigh.

***

Googled "How to make myself feel good about myself".
It has even come to that. Desperation. Sure?

***
Tried retail therapy.
It didn't last long.
In need of something else. New. Better. Fresh.

***
Putting people's priority before self bringing me down.
Isn't that the purpose of being a mother? A wife? A teacher?

***
Hope to recover soon.
Amen. 

Hello 2016!

My auntie called. Asking for some money.

Nothing new actually.

It's just that today was the first day she actually asked money directly from me.

-------------------------
For the past 3 years or more, I've actually been donating  money to her. Without her knowing of course. Because RM100 monthly is never enough for them whole family. I know that. But I myself did not earn much. Enough to be happy. Enough to share some without others.

It all started at first as a way for me to help ease my mom's burden. She has been lending money to her only sister since forever. So I might as well chip in as much as I can afford.

But when she called and ask the favour directly, something inside me did not feel good.

It is probably the setan trying to avoid me for helping out.

But being a normal human being, I have my hesitations.

With a balance of RM150 in my account, I transferred her RM100 with quite a heavy heart.

Hoping that Allah will give me back more. Praying that the RM50 will last till my paycheck arrive. Wishing that I did not feel this bad because I know she needs it more than me.

I have no problem talking openly about my good deed to others since I know no one reads my blog anymore. So, this is just me trying to talk things out.

Hello January 2016!

May we all be better than last year in health and in love, with colleagues and with families, despite this big financial and political challenge we are facing today. Insyaallah :)

November 2015

It is now November.

Sat ja, kan?

Baru ja dok meroyan new year resolution, udah nak akhir tahun.

Alhamdulillah. Allah panjangkan umur.
Alhamdulillah. Allah murahkan rezeki.
Alhamdulillah. Allah limpahkan rahmat bahagia bersama keluarga tersayang.

Dan alhamdulillah, bulan ini aku genap 31 tahun.

Tapi entah kenapa, I suddenly reminiscing my times with arwah Opah.

Both my Opah.

Opah Yon,
Tak banyak yang aku ingat pasal dia.
Pasal she left when I was 8 years old.
But her kindness and love somehow sticks in my mind.

I  kinda remember being the most she loved in the house, the one she always carry in her arms.

It is a really nice feeling, knowing you are loved. You know?

And Opah Rafidah.
Who always smile when I am around.

I am glad she's able to see Sarah before she eventually left us due to her ill-health.

Ayong sayaaaang Opah...

Self- Reflect 101

Ntah macamana, tetiba dok sembang pasal maksud nama anak dalam pejabat tadi.

Jenuh laa ustazah tu dok menjawab satu-satu.

Ada yang tanya, "Betul ke nama Balqis tu tak boleh bubuh? Sebab nama tu dikaitkan dengan jin? Pasal hakak punya anak sedara namanya Balqis boleh nampak jin wehhh..."

By the way, bukan aku hakak tu ye??

Dipendekkan cerita, ustazah tu menceritakan kisah Ratu Balqis dan Nabi Sulaiman. Untuk membuktikan yang nama Balqis tiada kaitan dengan perihal jin dan makhluk halus yang lain.

Yang lain-lain semua senyappp je tekun mendengar.

Aku bisik tanya kat Dee, 
"Aku tanye ko jangan mara, tapi ko tak tahu ke cerita ni?"

"Kite tahulah nama Balqis tu tapi kite tak tahu pulak dia Ratu Balqis, kerajaan sembah matahari semua tu..."

Dan aku ade sedikit terkejut.

Pasaipa depa tak tahu?
Dan kenapa pulak aku tahu?
Aku bukan ustajah pun aku tahu???

And then it gets me.
Ini semua hasil dari didikan dan tarbiah sejak dari sekolah rendah laei.

Ibu ayah daftar aku ke KPIP habes sekolah pagi dulu.
Seronok zaman2 naik van tu. Tertinggal van lepas tu selamba pawer pi jalan kaki sendiri ke sekolah agama rakyat. Lejen betul aku waktu tu.

Sekolah menengah masuk MUC pulak.
Dan dalam-dalam maleh aku tu, ade jugak laa ilmu yang berkat hasil tarbiah khemah ibadah, usrah halaqah bagai...

Habeh sekolah, masuk IIU.
And that seals the deal.

Syukur ya Allah.
Walaupun aku bukan ustazah, tapi aku tahu semua yang sepatutnya aku tahu.

Kisah-kisah nabi.
Perbalahan antara mazhab.
Pendek kata, aku ni serba tahu gak la.
Walaupun bukan ustazah.

Tapi, nak bangga sangat pon toksey.

Pasal walaupun serba tahu, serba banyak juga dosanya.

Walau dah tahu salah, membuat jua.

Walaupun dah tahu rugi solat lewat, tak serik2 juga.

Itu belum masuk hal kawalan amarah dan tanggungjawab kepada suami dan anak-anak.

Perlu terus mencari ilmu.
Perlu terus belajar.

Sebab yang serba tahu pun malu nak mengaku.
Kau yang kononnya tahu pulak yang berlagak tak reti malu.

emo.sad.emo

Tidak hilang jantan lelaki, 

bila dia menunjuk sayang.

Lebih kacak seseorang lelaki, 

bila dia tersenyum peluk si anak girang.

 I envy this.

So much love.

So much affection.

Let's not talk about tomorrow. 

Let's not talk about the future.

Because as of now, as of today...

I love you. So much. 

You are everything in my life.

Terima kasih ya Allah :)

I love my babies

Watched a very disturbing video just now.

The so-called 'teacher' was spanking kids with wood and even kicked them behind.

You can see the kids squirming at one corner, and macam naik sawan he pulled them out and allahu- aku tak tahu kenapa aku sanggup habiskan video tu.

Ingatan untuk diri sendiri.

Yang selalu juga meroyan macam aku sorang je yang paling stress dalam dunia ni:

"Jangan sampai Allah tarik semula nikmat rezeki..."

They will not be kids forever.

They will not want to hug and share stories with you like they did now.

And when they don't, you'll want them to stay your babies forever.

But how? 

Times flies.

And you will die. Alone.

(T___T")

Betul kata kak Noe,  

"... salah aku la buat benda sebab nak penghargaan manusia."

Salah sendiri.

Sayang lah kita setinggi mana pun pada manusia, 

berkorbanlah sebanyak mana pun selagi termampu, 

kalau dah dia kata 'nak buat camna, Allah yang tentukan semuanya...' 

sakitnya... 

kita sendiri yang rasa.

Ada sedikit menyesal.

Sikit.

Takkan dah jadi baru nak sedar?

Takkan dah terkena baru nak cari Dia?

Berkasih sayang.

Kerana Allah.

Ihsan sesama manusia.

Kerana Allah.

Niatnya haruslah kerana Dia.

Sebab kita tak dapat apa-apa pun jika mengharap dari manusia.

Rabiah Al-Adawiyah jugak yang power!

“Ada dua macam kekasihku kepadamu, 

kasih untuk kebahagiaanmu dan kasih mutlak. 

Kasih kepadamu karena itu adalah hakmu.”

“Adapun kasih yang didorong oleh kerinduan, 

maka aku selalu sibuk menyebutmu, 

daripada menyebut selain engkau.”

“Tetapi kasih mutlak yang menjadi hakmu 

adalah engkau bukakan tabir untukku 

sehingga aku dapat melihatmu.”

“Maka tiada pujian lagi bagiku yang ini ataupun itu, 

tetapi pujian tetap milikmu segala puji kedua kasihku.”

“Mereka semuanya menyembahmu 

lantaran takut siksa neraka. 

Dan mereka berpendapat bahwa bebas dari siksa sebagai keberuntungan.”

“Atau mereka ingin masuk surga 

dan dapat menikmati maghligai-maghligainya 

serta minum arit telaga yang nikmat cita rasanya.”

“Namun bagiku surga dan neraka bukan persoalan, 

karena aku tidak ingin cintaku kepada Tuhan 

bertukar dengan yang lain.”

Makan dalam.

selepas seminggu...

everything seems fake.

seakan dibuat-buat.

tiada kata ikhlas.

tiada yang rasa sempurna.

seperti dulu.

sekarang,
pecah seribu.

Too much love.

Though I love watching romantic comedies, I am one who's too shy to be one.

And since I am not Lisa Surihani, I cannot expect him to be Remi.

It hard to not share stories him.
It gives me headaches!

Teaser

*excited*

I think I am over it now.

Buat apa ade purse mahal, tapi isi dalamnya tak seberapa.

Buat apa beli purse mahal, kalau duit dalam bank tu pun bukan banyak mana.

Buat apa guna kredit kad beli barang, kalau kita tahu kita boleh dapat sesuatu yang lagi murah and it serves its purpose without fail despite the price. Or its brand.

Bersyukurlah wahai hati...
kau masih mampu lagi berbelanja...
Ramai lagi yang tidak merasa...

Tapi salah ke kalau nak merasa yang mahal? 
Yang jenamanya terkenal?

Memang tak salah.

Dia jadi salah bila hal kecik macam tu pun kau jadikan besar.

Kau nak jadik macam Nik Aziz ka macam Rosmah??

sakitnya ku disini... kau tak rasa apa-apa

'Got'  myself an MC for the day.

So, manage to sneak some alone time with the husband. Since he had booked himself an appointment with the ENT.

The morning went well.

Arranged for a movie. 
So happy we managed to get VIP parking which is very rare.
Had simple breakfast yet very heart fulfilling.
Watched FF7.

Until...
that happened.
 
I am sure he did not realised what happened.

Maybe its just me being overly sensitive.

I don't know.

Being in my 30's did not make me any mature.

I think, the older you get... the more attention you need.

Are we in the marriage stage where pujuk-memujuk is no longer necessary?

And being romantic is a nuisance?

It is probably easy for guys to move pass something they felt ridiculous. While the ladies have the tendency to over-looking things.

But that's just me.

And by letting me loose, you unintentionally hurt me. Inside and out.

Forget it.
I'm on my period.

That's probably why I am all moody and stuff.

I just need you to help me choose a good, new purse for myself.

And that's the only time we have. Time to spend.
Without having to worry about the kids.

Just you and me.
And my future new purse.

And probably new lingerie as well.

pfft!

Mixed Feelings Episode 3

Previously, I was so excited with the idea of going to the kayaking exhibition.

It will be just like the good  'ol days.

Sibuk dok carik dry bag laa, dry pouch laa... and I'm sure the husband mesti muak asek dok beria cakap pasal kayak saja sampai dia tanya...

"Tak boleh bawak saya ke?"

Jeles ye? Saya suka!

Aaaaand when Bamer officially told me that I was not in the list, memang frust. Nanges waktu mandi jugak laa...

Kali ni, aku takde kepoh-kepoh. Takde canang kat orang kata nk pi expedisi bagai.

Except with the husband. And the kids.

Not even my mom.

Tapi kalau Tuhan kata 'Tidak', maka tidaklah jawabnya...

So, I have been thinking...

Pasaipa I was so emotional about kayaking?

Is it because I really like it? I am passionate about it?

Or its just because I wanna re-live some part of my life when I was younger??

Cause if kayaking really is a BIG part of my life... why the hiatus?

Why didn't  I kayak a lot? I live very near to a lot of paid kayaking facilities.
I even have access to kayak at my workplace.

But, I didn't utilize it.

Compared to Bamer, despite having to work and juggle family time, he makes the effort to do maraton, heck he is even a part-time kayaking trainer at my alma mater.
.
.
.
.
I miss those times.

I believed I was my best when I join kayaking.

I didn't know I had it in me.

I was even the university's MASUM '06 kayaking athlete, man!

The fact that I was listed and competed was really among the best moments in my life.
.
.
.
.
But I guess that was me 11kg ago.

Yesterday, I sent of 6 of my students from our Kayak Club to the Kayak Star 1 workshop.

I am happy, because I am glad many of them had the interest.

I am sad, cause as Club Advisor, I am only a big talker without any legit qualification.


Till next time.
I'm off cleaning poop.
That's my life now.

After 6 months...

... I gained extra 3kg.

(--")

Mixed Feelings Episode 2

Contacted Bamer as promised.

"Alamak! Lupa la Yada! Sekarang dah penuh pulak..."

"Takpalaa... xdak rezeki kot. Nanti Ada btau Yina..."

"Eh, tapi nama Yina ada..."

Pulak.

Was moody the whole day.

(--")

Mixed Feelings Episode 1

Talked with Bamer.

He informed that they'll be on a kayaking trip next year April.

I asked him to book me a spot. If its ok with the organiser.

I was surprised he said 'yes'.

*so happy*
*cannot wait*

I choose you...

There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me you could not come true
Just love's illusion
But then you found me and everything changed
And I believe in something again

~ Sara Bareilles

Staying healthy. Staying fit.

During my early uni years, my weight was 40kg.

Underweight. I know.

Then I involved with kayaking. I gained extra 3 kg, building muscles and stuff.

No kidding weh! All those training really makes me hungry even more yet since I train regularly, all those fat became muscles that I am very proud of! *yeah*

Moving forward to 2010. After delivering my beautiful Sarah, I gain extra 2 kg. And another 2 kg in 2011, when came my lovely Hannan.

It is now 2014. I am at my heaviest so far, weighing 50kg.

I don't mind the weight. I think.

But I hate myself when I am easily tired.

I cannot run without having to stop every 1 minute.

I cannot stand longer than 10 minutes. Which is troublesome when I am in need on some shopping therapy *lol*

I hate that I cannot carry myself like I use to.

I hate it when my pants and kurung does not approve of my thighs and hips.

I hate it when I sit, I could feel my stomach doubled like a Subway sandwich.

I need to take charge. Be in control of myself. Do not let my nafs towards food control my life.

I need to this for me. For my hubby. For my babies.

This is a note to myself.

Let see how far I get.

p/s: I am just done with 100 crunches. Today is my second day.

Mak budak tak sedaq diri (-_-")

Sunyi pulak rumah ni... bila depa suma dah balik.

My family graced our humble home for 3 days, baru semalam jak depa balik Ipoh balik.

Memang la riuh, sempit, habes berabuk rambut teraboq ntah mana hala semua... Tapi meriah! And all mess was worth it!

Ibu is so pretty, as per usual.
Mek Jah as annoying as ever, orang dah awai suh siap. Last minit jugakkk dia nak mandi mekap bagai.
Ayah macam besa laa, dok bersandaq macam kat rumah sendiri xdak TV.
Adik was soo boring. Asek mengadap hp jak. Tak best ah depa ni bila dah besaq. Asek buat kija sendiri ja. Dulu kemain kepit bawah ketiak kita.

... gitu gak la kot Sarah Hannan besaq nanti. Takmo kawan ibu dah. Ibu sudah tidak 'cool' *sobs*

Had the opportunity sleeping with Ibu.

Kuruih sungguh mak aku ni. Pipi dh cengkung. Nampak penat sungguh tidoq menganga semua.

Nampak dah tua.

Bergenang ayaq mata. Pasai she looked just like arwah opah.

No, my ibu is not sick. But seeing her soo skinny and tired looking reminds me that she's not getting any younger and as much as I want to be near her, I am not.

And I regret not hugging her during our parting yesterday.

Pasaipa ntah. Biasa memang aku laa dok sakan peluk cium semua.

Pastu dah dok meroyan moody xpasai2.

Cepat la balik ghaya.

Kita ghindu kat ibu kita!

Nak mengadu...

Penat lah.

Baru sampai rumah.

Letak bag.

Dah terus ke dapoq.

Basuh pinggan. Basuh  botoi. Clear pinggan kering. Lap dapoq. Kemas meja makan. Siapkan dinner. Basuh baju masuk mesin. Makan. Dok sat depan tivi dah anak nak berak kencin. Dok balik pastu teringat kain tak lipat lagi. Mangkit lipat pulak. Sakit belakang pasai dok tegak saja. Baring sat dah pastu kena layan depa tdoq dah pukui 10.

Penat lah.

6 years and counting!

... even after 6 years, he is still my greatest "catch"! :)

tipu la kata tak gaduh.

tipu la kata tak sakit hati.

tapi kena la pujuk. kena la ambil hati. kena toleransi.

sayang sangat. syukur sangat.

Terima kasih ya Allah.

throwback January - February 2014

 Yup. Anak-anak dok excited bangun turun kerusi. Siap berebut nak tengok keluar tingkap lagi. Tapi bapak keras saja dok tepi. Gayat katanya. Alhamdulillah trip 45 minutes sahaja :)

 Touchdown Pekan Baru's Sultan Syarif Qasim II airport. Boleh tahan cantik airport dia. and tak berapa nak risau kalau flight delayed pasal it's spacious and takda la rasa insecure macam kat Bandung ^___^"

 And this is the famous Kelok 9. Kelok means jalan-bengkang-bengkok. It is so dangerous, alhamdulilah they manage to build new roads to replace it. By the time we reach the place, Hannan has fallen asleep on my lap. So abah, Sarah and makngah saja laa yang layan the view.

Our first morning at Bukit Tinggi. 

We were so tired, it was a 7-hour drive from Pekan Baru, mind you.

Tapi kawasan tu sejukkk banget! Nama pun Bukit Tinggi kan? :)

Next stop, Danau Maninjau. 

It is, subhanallah, an amazing view! Gila bosaw tasek dia, and the water looks so green from above. We didnt manage to get a clear picture  of the lake though. But it is mesmerizing. Plus, it windy too! Look at ma' hood! *wink*

 After that, Heri drove us down through Kelok 44.

We were lucky Heri is a good driver. Speeding yes, but still ok alhamdulillah. Of course, I did took any picture of the road since we are too busy holding one another in the car. But the picture above gives you an idea of how the road is... times 44!

 This was our second stop, rumahnya Buya Hamka :)

The funny thing was, even both Heri & Adel tak tahu pun wujudnya such wisata. Macam aku gak la, nama saja duduk PD, tapi Muzium Tentera Darat tu pon aku tak sampai laei huhu

 Ahhhh... this is the place that I miss the most! 

The dreamy Air Mancur Lembah Anai.

Mula-mula pelik gak, "Pasaipa laa nak kena gi tengok air terjun. Mesia pon ade..." pastu amek kau! Nak balik pon tak sampai hati, sedeh (T__T")

It's quite a small area, tak bosar pon air terjunnya tapi mashaallah... airnya jernih bersih cantik! betul kata review, memang Lembah Anai ni ibaratnya cebisan rahmat yang jatuh dari syorga... saya rindu! 

 Malam itu, kami ke Jam Gadang. saja nak rasa night life bersama local people. biasa-biasa saja semua. except for here, in Indonesia, nothing is free. even nak tangkap gambo dengan maskot pon kena bayo. pasal kalau suma free, habes laa ramai rakyat depa ramai xdak kija. 

 Peek-a-boo! I can see you :)

Kakak Sarah demam. But alhamdulillah bekal semua siap. Tapi we missed Lobang Japang and Tembok Cina. Makngah and the boys went ahead. Kami siap2 saja mahu kembali ke Pekan Baru for the wedding. 

We arrived at Pekan Baru at 2 am despite leaving early from Bukit Tinggi. Tapi mana tak lambat, semedang menyinggahnye ;p

Wedding of the month :)

Ade sedikit segan bila pi kenduri Pak Kiki ni benornye. 

Rasa macam out of place. Pasal SEMUA ORANG PAKAI GLAMOR GILA HIJABISTA TAK HENGAT PUNYA!

And whether you like it or not, before you leave the wedding, you have to bagi 'duit tangan' for the pengantin. And you will also be asked to declare how much you give in a book prepared, complete with your signature.

Nasib baik ada bawak sampul raya *phew*

All and all, it was a memorable trip. 7 hari weh! Kau hade? 

Despite not having Kiki to bring us around, he is one hell of a host! 

Hoping to see him November for Angah's wedding.

 Jangan serik dengan kami ya? :) 

alhamdulillah

sejak beberapa hari ni, I have been re-visiting my previous entries. 
seronok juga baca entry lama.
kau nampak progress diri kau, dulu dan sekarang.
waktu blaja dulu lain, baru-baru kawen juga lain. 
ni dah  beranak ni lagi laa lain.
lain dari segi cara bercerita.
jenis ceritanya.
mood ceritanya.
grammar English-nya juga. *hehe*

dan after reading all of that, I realised that there are a lot things that I should thank Allah for.

dari takdak boyfren, sampai dok ada 3.
dari antara yang selebet, jadik antara yang terawal mendirikan rumah tangga.
dari dok buat perangai childish, sendiri sudah punya anak dua.
dari dok komplen xbertuah boleh travel macam orang lain, alhamdulillah... Bandung, Pekan Baru & Bukit Tinggi Indonesia sampai sudah.

You see? God has his own plan.
And His plan is not much different from ours, only better and on the perfect time.

Alhamdulillah... thank you Allah.

Menabung untuk ke Mekah & Madinah pula insyaallah :)

  

Penatlah.

Kita tak boleh buat semua orang suka kita.
Sebab kalau semua orang suka kita, maknanya ade laa benda tak betul yang kita dah buat tu.
Kenapa pulak macam tu? 
Yelaa, setiap suka dan tidak suka orang itu berbeza.
Dan bukan mudah untuk kita puaskan hati semua.
Pasti akan ada yang terluka.
Lebih-lebih lagi kita.

Buat apa jadi lilin yang membakar diri?
Lagi-lagi kepada mereka yang tak reti nak hargai diri ini.

Baik berpada-pada.
Jangan sampai makan diri.

stress.

Dah lama tak dating.
Berdua sahaja.
Tengok movie. Maraton movies.
Jalan-jalan. 
Pegang-pegang tangan.
Makan makanan mahal-mahal.

...rindulah.

COACH vs aku

"Amboi kak. Lawa beg? Brape ribu ni??" aku tanya gurau-gurau saja.

"Isk. Tak mahal lah. lapanratus ja".

Keras sekejap aku. 
Telan air liur bertalu-talu.
lapanratus je?  
Memang la kau keje gomen. Tapi gaji level SPM kot. 
Brapa depa bagi kau bulan-bulan??
Ituhari MANGO, kali ni COACH.  
Itu belum aku dengkikan kasut CLARKS anak kau lagi.  
... ko tak boleh nak salahkan aku kalau aku rasa jeles.
pasal dah lumrahnya, manusia macam aku ni pasti akan rasa mahu lebih macam orang lain.

pasaipa dia boleh beli handbag mahal sampai 4, 5 biji? 

Aku pulak asek beli hat murah saja...

pasaipa baju seluar dress dia suma beli boutique? 

aku jugak yang asek round bundle carik jenama murah...   

Masalahnya:

SAPA SURUH KAU BELI YG MURAH?
Salah diri sendiri.  
Tapi aku takut nak beli yang mahal.  
Mampukah nak survive sampai hujung bulan?
Mampukah nak maintain masak saja hari-hari tiap malam balik penat keje?
Mampu... tapi tak mahu. 
Mahu...  tapi tak brapa nak mampu.
sigh.
dilema pompuan psiko. 
aku.
bukan kamu.
takyah sibuk nk terasa.

... and we are back!

... to our homestay: The hospital! 
It is the school break. 
My baby sister is here with me, since ibu ayah semua went for umrah last Sunday.
But pity her, having to spend her holidays in the hospital, assisting me while kakak Sarah is under treatment.
Alhamdulillah, nothing serious.
Tapi tulah... pekat betul kahaknya. 
3kali suction pun still batuknya berbunyi.
But, double alhamdulillah *yay* Doc kate hari ni semua dh OK and we are ready to go back home!

This time, only Kakak Sarah was admitted. 
My Hannan, alhamdulillah, was clear without any sickness.
It seems that she is more immune to sickness compared to her big sister.

And it breaks my heart to not let them stay together.

They have never being apart before. 
But alhamdulillah, both of them took it very well.

When Hannan came to visit her sister, Sarah asked to wait for her in front of the elevator. 
And once Hannan step out of it, they ran towards each other and hug each other macam sebulan tak jumpa

...pastu nangeh pasal dahi berlaga peluk salah angle *hahahahahahaha*

Terima kasih ya Allah!
Semoga kasih sayang ini berkekalan hingga ke syurga ameen :)

hello!

My last post was on April.

It is now November.

I don't meant to ditch the blog for good. I just don't have the time.
I don't even have time for myself.

Even dalam bilik air pon, ade je tangan hulur bawah pintu,

 "Ibu buat ape tuuuu??" 

Aduh.

Hari ini dalam sejarah :)

buat pertama kalinya, kakak Sarah tak pakai pampers for the whole day dan berjaya tahan wee-wee + buang air beso sampailah dia di dalam bilik air!!
i am so proud of her!!

funny how these little things make me happy.

aku dulu cano ek??

selepas ribut berlalu...

lama tak update.

besa laa, perasan sibuk. semester sudah berakhir, so baru boleh ghajin sikit buat benda lagha. heh. baru balik dr ipoh neh. syok woh cuti sampai 4 hari.
pastu bile nak balik semalam, sebak semacam. sobs. 

siannn mak aku.
memang laa ade adik beradik lain kat ghomah. tapi iyelah, masing-masing dh beso. sibuk dengan karier lah. sibuk dengan internet lah. sibuk tengok tivi lah. bapak aku pulak gatai pi terima kija jauh. wiken saja baru balik. bila balik plak, dok sibuk tidoq. penat katanya. 

dihujung hari, tinggailah mak aku sibuk buat hal sendiri gak. dah suma pakat buat-buat sibuk semua...

tu pasai aku suka kalau dapat selalu balik sana. 
selain dari dapat balik kampung sendiri, aku suka bila dapat sembang dengan mak aku. cerita apa saja dengan dia. pasal aku, pasal cucu-cucu dia. pasal kawan-kawan aku. apa-apa saja. 
pasal dia akan senyum setiap kali :)

mak aku dh makin kurus. makin ringan.
lengan dia makin kecik, patah lagi si pinggang. baju suma pon dah banyak longganq. risaw weh.

last week dia cita, ade orang rembat segala botol plastik, surat khabar lama, besi sidai kain dari belakang rumah. patut laa beria beli mangga baru, takut dia datang semula. mau aku tak risau? kalau mangkok tu tahu yang ghomah tu xdak laki, takut dia berani datang di malam hari pulak. aduh.  

ni la kot lumrah hidup.
waktu kecik, anak dikasih disayang.
bila dah beso, dah kawen, dah kena ikut suami dok jauh. aku doakan semoga adik-adik semua dapat jodoh yang baik dari tempat-tempat yang tak jauh dari ibu aku. bior le aku sorang je yang jauh, depa bior lah dapat dekat2 sana saja. dok satu rumah lagi bagus.

lepaih ni turn aku pulak.
harap Sarah Hannan tak lupa ibu abah opah atok dia insyaallah ;(

sakit pelik?

isteri: sayang, nanti dapat bonus nak buat ape? bercuti jom??
suami: tak boleh lagi? nak kena setel hutang credit card dulu suma...
isteri: kata ituhari buleh setel pelan2?
suami: memang boleh tapi lebih baik kasi clear hutang tu cepat sikit. senang 
          laa nanti, kalau awak sakit pelik2 ke nanti dah ade backup... 
isteri: apsal pulak saye pulak sakit pelik2? mane pulak awak tau saye nak 
         sakit pelik2 ni?? amboi... (sambil jegil mata)
suami: eh? bukan macam tu ehehh... (taktau nak cakap apa)

mine, his & ours

sedikit menyesal. 
sebab tak rancang perbelanjaan. sebab tak prihatin. sebab tak peka.

aku tak tahu yang kompeni akan bagi bonus. ok fine. aku tahu. tapi, aku tak pernah berharap yang depa akan bagi gak. pasai pernah dulu aku berharap, pastu tak dapat. frust weh!

so, bila tetiba dapat. aku jadik gelisah weh!

laki aku pulak teringat, yang aku ada janji kat dia kata nak bagi suma duit bonus aku pada dia.
hamekaw! tak tenang jiwa weh...

tetapi, being the gentleman that he is, dia pon kata:
" takpelah... anje amek laa balik duit bonus tu semua. sayang hadiahkan balik pada anje... "

sweet tak? sweet kan??

pastu habesssss, sepanjang masa dia dok mengungkit wehhh hahahahahaha

dah memang rezeki dia, aku pon beli laa jam baru, sepasang untuk kami berdua. 
and he hug me openly in public, right after.

ooo, itu caranya nak suh dia show his affection to me in public hikhik *gelak gedik*

sakan aku wehh tunjuk jam baru aku kat kawan semua.... masakan tidak, jam beli sendiri weh. rasa hensem jak pakai. sikit2 ushar, macam tak caya beli jam mahai hehehehe

48jam lepas tu, aku 'ter'tinggal jam tersebut kat surau Aeon.

bermulalah episod mendung selama seminggu (-_-")

aku dah serik nak pakai jam dah. pasai sebelum jam ni (yg laki aku bagi), aku dh pon tertinggal jam aku kat rumah sedara & depa tak jumpa mana depa simpan pulak dah.

mungkin bukan rezeki aku.

tapi rezeki laki aku??

tak lama lepas tu, bila aku kemas meja kat bilik, tuptap nampak jam yang sama atas meja.

senyum aku weh. sayang laki aku kat aku. dia sanggup lagi belikan jam yang sama. despite my clumsiness. 

pastu aku kerling, nampak jam pojaan si dia sekali kat tempat yang sama.

"ceh. patut laa belikan. nak carik alasan beli jam baru rupanya" ;p

... i still love you though sayang. thank you :) 

Kau pergi...

Another friend is leaving today.

But this time, she is quite special than the others.

She is famous yet very humble. 

I didn’t watch the show but she was finalist. So she must be good then.

She is witty yet very religious in nature. 

Azan je, terus ke surau. Nampak orang khusyuk main pc, mesti dia tanye dah solat ke belum. Siap jerit2 bising lagi. Tapi takde yang marah. Aku selalu kena (heh) tapi tak pernah aku nak rasa terasa ke hapa. Probably sebab ape yang dia tegur tu ade betulnye...

 

And what makes it even harder to let her go, she is like a sister to me.

I’ve been working for almost 5 years now but I have never really felt like I have a close friend at the office. Until she came into the picture.

And now that she is leaving, I can sense that it is going to be a lil bit different at the office...

But that is life. 

Tadi, was our last zuhur together. Due to tiredness from last night’s event, she accidently forgot how to recite surah kursi. Pastu waktu doa, buleh sungguh2 nangeh. Macam buat dosa beso.

Ko bayangkan... punyalah sedih hati, rasa bersalah dengan tuhan nangeh macam boypren mati... pasal lupa ayat kursi tadi.

Kau hade ke wynn?? Nangeh tengok telemovie ade la ;p

Lepas kau pergi, takde dah orang nak bising2 ajak aku solat awal.

Lepas kau pergi, takde dah orang nak sukarela jadik imam solat.

Lepas kau pergi, takde dah aku geng nak mengumpat (eh?!)

I am soo gonna miss u Tuan... Akak doakan segala yang terbaik untuk ko dunia & akhirat. Semoga sukses grad sarjana, semoga sehat2 sejahtera, semoga bahagia bersama encik suami hingga ke syurga...