presenting...... jengjengjeng!

went for my 1st ultrasound yesterday. and my baby is something like this.

pelik kan? u see nothing but a gumpal of something inside. hehehe....

perasaan sy? happy. weird. cold.

why happy?
because it is confirmed that the creature inside me is well. heartbeat present and he / she has already grows a head, a pair of hands and legs. and you know what? even by being only 3cm long, she has already annoys me with all these morning/night sickness and the urge to vomit like every time! hehehhe.... my baby ^_^" TUHAN MEMANG HEBAT!

its weird because... macam tak caye i am carrying a future caliph inside me. and it is my duty to grow, taking care and educate him / her. responsibility. wow. diri sndri pon maseh lagi terkontang-kanting (--")

and it is also cold at that moment because the gel that the doctor uses is sejuk. but nice. rase best ^_^" *ntahapahapentah*

this 1st ultrasound is important for me. because it is to confirm bape sebenarnyer umo my janin. the doctor estimated that the baby is around 9weeks and 6days old. but, it is yet to be confirmed! maseh kena 2nd scan next month. takpe dokte, sy suke perut sy di-scan ^_^v

*notakaki:
to all married ladies, next time jangan lupe to take note setiap tarikh period anda! (bila mula & bila it ends) why you asked? because when it is actually time for u to get preggy, takde laa susah2 nk estimate bape sebenarnye umo ur janin inside... ngerti? ^_~

sy maseh muntah2. doakan!!

Tagged

Tagged

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 5 people to be tagged.

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: air cincau satuuu!
2. Last phone call: yana. my dps student.
3. Last text message: tikah. my student as well.
4. Last song you listened to: no boundaries - kris & adam AI'09
5. Last time you cried: yesterday- the biggest loser (emo seh!)

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: yup. but ended up being nothing.
7. Been cheated on: of course!
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: yup (--")
9. Lost someone special: uhuh...
10. Been depressed: at times...
11. Been drunk and threw up: NO.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. green
13. brown
14. does rainbow colours counts? ^_^"

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: yup.
16. Fallen out of love : big no-no.
17. Laughed until you cried: yup. tgk citer ape ntah ngan husband ;)
18. Met someone who changed you: ntah.
19. Found out who your true friends were: yup.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: mustilaa ade.. i kan glamer ^_~
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: u know who ^_~
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all of them.
23. How many kids do you want?: dunno. yg satu ni pon dok meghampuih ^_^"
24. Do you have any pets: no.
25. Do you want to change your name: dulu laa... skrg dak dah ;D
26. What did you do for your last birthday: work.
27. What time did you wake up today: lambat. i mabuk ^_^"
28. What were you doing at midnight: sleeping.
29. Name something/someone you CANNOT wait for: ntah.
30. Last time you saw your Mother: semalam. windu ibu *sob sob*
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my grades in uni. i know i can do better!
32. What are you listening to right now : surah yusuf - taruk kat tummy for baby ;)
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: my angin. dok sedawa mcm ketapi!
35. Most visited webpage: fs/blogger/fb/ms/etc....
36. Whats your real name: RAKA
37. Nicknames: ayong, ada, awie, wynn
38. Relationship Status: happily married!
39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio
40. Male or female?: female.
41. Primary school: SRKRJ
42. Secondary school: MUC (seriously)
43. High school/college/university? : iium
44. Hair color: black.
45. Long or short: medium long
46. Height: 149cm
47. Do you have a crush on someone? : ntah....
48: What do you like about yourself?: my laugh *hahahahhahahahahha*
49. Piercings: none. not even at telinga.
51. Righty or lefty: righty.

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: never
53. First piercing: 1994.
54. First best friend: Nani.
55. First sport you joined: lumba lari & bola jaring woo
56. First vacation: betong, thailand!
58. First pair of trainers: R. dunno what it stands for ^_^"

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: ubat hangin bdn
60. Drinking: plain water+cincau
61. I'm about to: finish this tag.
62. Listening to: kak aida ngaji ^_^"
63. Waiting : go back home! want to lie down badly!!

YOUR FUTURE
64. What kids?: tak kesah....
65. Get Married?: done that
66. Career?: ptd? ;) hehehe

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: hugs.
69. Shorter or taller: taller all the way.
70. Older or Younger: ntah.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: romantaneous. tiru fathia :P
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: both.
73. Sensitive or loud: sensaloud. again tiru ko :P
74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: ntah (--")

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: no
77. Drank hard liquor: no
78. Lost glasses/contacts: lost? no. pecah? thousand times.
79. Sex on first date: no no.
80. Broken someone's heart: maybe?
82. Been arrested: no no no.
83. Turned someone down: ade kot...
84. Cried when someone died: yeah.
85. Fallen for a friend?: of course, he's my husband now ;)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: err,most of the time kot?
87. Miracles: sometimes.
88. Love at first sight: yeah.
89. Heaven: hell yeah.eh,heaven yeah.
90. Santa Claus: ys ^_^"
91. Kiss on the first date: no.
92. Angels: yeah.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no.
95. Did you sing today?: i did.
96. Ever being cheated by somebody?: as guilty as they are charged.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: all the way to 1984. the day i was born
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: days with my kayakers. missing them like h*ll!
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: yup
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: the truth,the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

and so wynn would more than love wanna make these people suffer as much as she did:
1) kak long mazni (if u're reading this ;)
2) phyd
3) adekpyan
4) amrah
5) nore
6) and everyone that cares for me *wink*

i'm 6 weeks pregnant people ^_~

the doctor confirms it. alhamdulillah....
we are happy. husband smiles all the way home.
we are fortunately blessed.

..... but at the same time, i do feel scared.

aku, walopun 25 yrs old, perangai maseh mcm budak form4.
aku, walopun udah 10bulan kawen, maseh tak pandai masak (--")
aku, walopun udah bekerja dan punya duit sendiri, maseh tipon ibu untuk tanye "boley tak ayong beli spekmata baru?" ^_^"

and now that i am soon-to-be a mother, aku takut.

boleh ke? layak ke? sesuai ke? mampu ke? larat ke?

doakan aku. aku maseh takut.

i felt......

curious. worried. happy. anxious. scared. DupDap. blurred. weird.

Tagged!

of course i read ur blog, Miss F :p

here goes:

Be honest no matter what,then tag at least fifteen friends.

1. Who was ur last text from?
~ Arok. he asked for husband's num.

2. Where was ur default picture taken?
~ at Amani's wedding. She's pretty... like me ^_^"

3. Your relationship status?
~ Happily married! \o/

4. Have u ever lost a close friend?
~ by death, no. By backstabbers, YES!

5. What is ur current mood?
~ happy that tomorrow's a weekend! *yeay*

6. How many sibling(s) do u have?
~ 4 including me. am the BIG SISTA.

7. What are ur brother(s)/sister(s) name?
~ angah (Jannah), ajah (Najah), adek (aisyah)

8. Where do u wish u were right now?
~ simpang pulai, perak. i miss my mom.

9. Have a crazy side?
~ i am known for my craziness. Literally.

10. Ever had a near death experience?
~ alhamdulillah no. and hoping to never have one.

11. Something u do a lot?
~ burping ^_^"

12. Angry at anyone?
~ currently: none.

13. What's stopping u from going after the person u like?
~ previously? coz he got a gf. currently: HE is already mine ^_~

14. When was the last time u cried?
~ yesterday. sobbing when kris allen won the AI '09. blame it on my mood swings ^_^"

15. Is there anyone u would do anything for?
~ IBU. AYAH. HUSBAND. SISTERS. OPAH. ATOK :)

16. What do u think about when u are falling asleep?
~ a lot of things. cant remember what.

17. Who was the last person u talked to on the phone?
~ ibu sayang ;)

18. What is ur favourite song?
~ currently: 1234 - Plain White T's

19. What are doing right now?
~ mengulaw-ing ^_^"

20. Who do u trust right now?
~ husband & family

21. Where did u get the shirt u are wearing?
~ mana boley pakai t-shirt pegi kerja dik oiiii :P

22. Have u kissed someone in the past week?
~ husband ler *blushed*

23. Who is ur friend that lives closest to u?
~ housemate: muazDearie ;)

24. Describe urself in one word.
~ c.o.o.l (in-my-dreams)

25. Who are u thinking of right now?
~ loh. sape ek? takdak sape laa....

26. What should u be doing right now?
~ i should be lying flat at home watching tv right now ^_^"

27. What are u listening to right now?
~ nothing. everyone was super silent during this hot, hot evening

28. Who was the last person u gave a hug?
~ *blushed again*

29. Who was the last person who yelled at u?
~ last to yell? hemmm.... ntah.

30. Do u act differently around the person u like?
~ depends...

31. What is ur natural hair colour?
~ its darkish brown. dont listen to other ppl. they are lying ;p

32. Who was the last person to make u laugh?
~ my darling husband ;)

33. Who was the last person to make u sad?
~ tak hengat ah...

34. What do u hear?
~ heh?

35. Is ur hair curly or straight?
~ ikal mayang *ceewaaaaaah*

36. Has anyone ever called u 'scrumptious' before?
~ never ;(

37. Do u have a best friend?
~ as corny as this may sound, he is also my life-partner *wink*

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
~ hell yeah! *wink*

39. Do u use smiley faces on the computer?
~ yup.

40. Have u ever changed clothes in the vehicle?
~ guilty. once. or twice... forgot olredi ^_^"

41. Are u happy with life right now?
~ happy? yes. but still wanting more....

42. Are u currently jealous?
~ of my frens who got better salary? YES.

43. What jewelery are u currently wearing?
~ apsal tanya? maw rompak ya??

44. What are u doing on Friday night?
~ depends. got gaji, go out la ;)

*45. Have u ever had a heart surgery?
~ alhamdulillah no.

*46. Do u know anyone who has had a heart surgery?
~ one of my pakcik, i guess...

47. Is there anybody u're really disappointed in right now?
~ cant think of anyone right now.

48. What was the last reason u went to the doctor for?
~ seseme cikgu!

49. How late did u stay up last night and why?
~ 11.30pm. Itu kire awal laa tu...

*50. Have u ever spank ur boyfriend/girlfriend?
~ yeah baby *wink wink*

I tag:
SEMUA yang sudi membace ^_^

i love you~

to family.... to frens....
to kezens... to everyone that i know and love...

..... and especially to my dear Ahmad Muaz *mmuuaahh*

1,2 - 1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.

make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.

you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)

theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you (i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you (i love you)

give me more lovin from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.

make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had.
im so glad that i found you.
i love bein around you.

you make it easy as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you (i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.i love you (i love you)

i.love.you

1234 - plain white t's

finally~

pompuan ni senang terasa. senang kecik ati. sensitif kate orang. dan hormon akan selalu dipersalahkan.

betul la.
kalo tak reply je sms, siap laa engkau untuk diperli kerana kedekut kredit.
kalo tak share gossips pon, engkau juge akan dipersalahkan kerana sombong-dah-tak-ingat-kawan.

tapi,
pompuan juge senang dipujuk.

kadang-kadang,
hanya dengan sekali call sahaje bertanyakan khabar, sudah cukup untuk mencairkan hati sorang pompuan yang pada mulanya kecik ati ngan ko. hanya dengan satu sms, sudah cukup untuk mengukir senyuman pada wajah si sahabat yang dah lama rindu tak ketemu.

hatiku sudah sikit terpujuk. hilang segala hasad2 negatif. hati semakin rindu untuk ketemu.

tak sabar pula aku nak ketemu kamu :)

THANK YOU ALLAH!

wynn,
be thankful that still have money to buy food.
be thankful that u still managed to eat even when it's only plain rice with telo mate kobaw.
be thankful that you are never starved.

people,
view THIS

moody. sad. hungry. me :(

previously, i'm still under no stress. everything's according to plan. classes was good. students' was better behaved.

.... but a week after. disaster happened. 2 lecturers left for a brighter future. 1 got posted to elsewhere better. me? being left here with ALL their classes undone.

undone here refers to;
- finish up all the lessons when its 2 more weeks before study break
- be done with all the assessments before their study-break
(quizzes, listening, grp presentations, etc)
- marking ALL assessments before final
- complete their carry marks before final

yes. i did exaggerate. a bit. but still, its hard work.

what i'm sad about was; even after all these hard work, my pay was still the same. no increment. no bonus. not even a thank you from the management.

yet, i could say that i'm still happy. why, u asked?

because, since i did not get any profits from being hardworking, i pleased myself by coming in late to work ^_^" instead of being there on-time, i sometimes arrived 30-mins later than i'm supposed to.

jahat kan? tapi itu sahaje aku rase dapat membuatkan jiwaku sedikit tenang sebelum memulakan hari2 yang mendatang ^_^"

oh. i'm soooooo in need of a holiday. cant wait for their semester break. huh.

Personality quizzes are addictive!

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

try Get to Know Yourself Better

Salam.

[Sila baca sehingga ke hujung page.]

Saye (Robiatun, Awie, Ada, Rubi, atau pape jela yg korg panggil aku) bercadang untuk
mengadakan REUNION untuk batch kite bagi tahun 2009 ini. Tetapi, tiada sebarang ketetapan tarikh mahupon tempat lagi. Saye perlu membuat soaltanye dengan sedara/ sedari/encik/ puan/ mak orang/ tunangan sekalian terlebih dahulu.

Jadi, sila respon soalan2 beserta cadangan kepada anda semua ke comment box/ email saye ye?

Soalan2 adelah seperti berikut:

1) Adakah anda berminat untuk menyertai REUNION '09? (Ya/ Tidak)

2) Adakah anda berminat untuk hadir sekiranya REUNION '09 diadakan pada:
a) Mei
b) Julai
c) November
d) LAIN-LAIN:_____________

2) Adakah anda berminat untuk mengeluarkan budget yang 'agak banyak' untuk REUNION kali ni?
(Ya/ Tidak)

3)Berapa jumlah budget yang anda sanggup keluarkan?
a) RM10 - RM50
b) RM50 - RM100
c) RM100 - RM150
d) RM150 keatas
** Budget tidak termasuk pengangkutan :)

4) Tempoh cadangan REUNION '09?
a) Bermalam (2 hari 1 malam)
b) Lunch- High Tea (1/2 hari)
c) Dinner (6 pm - 10pm)

5) Cadangan kawasan untuk REUNION '09?
a) PERAK.
b) WILAYAH PERSEKUTUAN.
c) SELANGOR
d) LAIN-LAIN: _____________

6) Cadangan lokasi untuk REUNION '09?
a) Resort
b) Hotel
c) Restoren
d) Foodcourt (Macam dulu)
e) LAIN-LAIN: ______________

7) Sekiranya berkemampuan, adakah anda berminat untuk menjadi AJK REUNION '09? (YA!)
BAGUS! Semangat itu yang kite mahukan! ^_^"

8) Sila sertakan nama penuh, alamat surat-menyurat, email & no telefon sedara/sedara untuk memudahkan saya membuat pengesahan di masa hadapan:

a) NAMA:_________________________
b) ALAMAT:_______________________
c) EMAIL: ________________________
d) NO. TEL: ______________________
e) LAIN-LAIN: (blog/ website/ YM/ MSN/ etc)

Terima kasih diatas kesudian pihak Encik/ Cik/ Tuan/ Puan/ Dato'/ Datin menjawab kesemua sesi soaltanya diatas.

Diingatkan sekali lagi, respon2 kalian hendaklah di-email kepada saya: wynn_nothing@yahoo.co.uk

Sebarang kemusykilan, bolehlah ber-message dengan saya di webpage frenster ataupon ym: wynn_nothing

TOLONG SEBARKAN PADA KAWAN2 YANG LAIN!

Diharapkan dengan kerjasama kalian semua, kite akan berkumpul dan berjumpa untuk REUNION '09 ini. INSYAALLAH ^_^

Sekian, terima kaseh.

Yang Berusaha,
wynn ^_^v

[TAMAT]

Valentine's Day

Dear sayang….

I know that we are not celebrating V-day. because of its obvious reasons….

…. However, I still want to give you V-cards, romantic love-shape chocs, to dedicate romantic songs to you, and to do all those things that people usually do during V-day…..

I blame the tv. The commercials. The love songs played on air. I blame the month itself.

But sayang…. I do love you. So damn much. Regardless of what month it is….

I love you…..
for the way you always look out for me….
I love you…
For always making me laugh....
I love you for who you are....
your eyes, your smile, your everything that never fails to make me cair every single time … even when you are singing off-tune… even when you do your dirrrrty dancing that I always adore ^_^"

sayang dear,
I thank you for believing in me…. For having faith in me….. for loving me for me….. for not changing me …. For everything….

I love you ahmad muaz …… so so much… so very much….
Thank you for being my husband, for being my best-friend, for being my EVERYTHING… I love you.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
….. will forever loving my darling

xoxo,
Your wifey ;)

New Year 2009

Its already February…. And this is my 1st entry for the year 2009. pemalas punye blogger.. well, its not because I’m lazy or what….. I’m just… ntah. Malas gak kot ^_^” hehehe….

I suddenly realize that I always blog to complain, to mengadu, to release my tensi at work, at life…. So what? Its my blog. Its my story. And I’m paying for the internet and the electricity (unless I’m blogging at work la) hehehehe…..

I started the New Year with a resolution. Just like everyone else. I promise myself to always starts my classes with al-fatihah and end them with tasbih kifarah and wal a’s. I don’t know why I did, but I kinda missing life at the uni ^_^”

Ituhari turun KL, jumpe angah kat kampus. Purposely using the longer route to Nusaibah. Husband was teasing me for smiling and yelling ‘hye’ to everyone walking alongside… feeling as if I’m soo much senior than them… and was looking around kot2 laaa jumpe sape2 yang would recognize me… still…. Hehehe

Hmmm… those were the times ;)

Timmy and Mek sal are now KLians, busy working ladies in the heart of the city. Emma is faaaarrr from sight; Brunei, New Zealand, London, Paris (hahahhaha), Ateh & Amani are busy mommies to cute kids learning fun English, Iza & Phyde are now both educators to the future gens….

Me? Up to now, teaching for a living. Hehehe… sounded so stressful kan? Well, not that much actually. I am loving it here…. friendly colleagues, cute students, but….. I don’t know…. There seems to be something missing somewhere….

….. but no worries, this is not forever. I hope. Am not saying that I don’t like the job, I do. maybe it’s the pay. Kalo gaji dia lebih baek, I will obviously be happier kan? Eventho money does not mean everything, money did bought us things ;p

My plan; is to work harder but at the same time, even play more. Hehehe… playing here does not refer to me not doing my job seriously, but spending time improving my knowledge and experiencing life to the fullest, so that later on I will not regret living the way I am in the future cos’ I know that I’ve tried hard ;)

Frens…. Thank you for being there for me. Do come and visit sometime soon, aku blanje korg mandi laut ;)

Lots of love,
Madame Wynn (^_~) v

fly @mrah fly!

i have always admires @mrah. she comes from a family of great achievers, abang kakak sume pakat jadik lawyer, dokte, engineer... even her father is a profesor. and amrah juge bukan calang2 orang. she was always the top of the class, an ambitious leader, and a great fren.

but,
from my p.o.v, she is a nerd actually. ^_^"
yelaa, dah laa pointer power, asek join program sini-sane... bukan untuk jadi ajk tau? presiden laa, setiausaha laa, ketua puteri umno laa (tak tak.. yang tu aku tambah ;p)

.....but she is one hell of a COOL nerd tau?
want to know why i said so?

abes je blaja, dia sambung blaja & mgajar kat UKM. gile cool.
but now, she at AUSTRALIA continuing her PhD until 2010. even COOLer!

mind you that she did not even finished her Master but the UKM people offered her to skip and straight-ly (is that even a word?) buat PhD within the 2 years time!

@mrah memang seworang nerd yang COOL!

and to further mengampu @mrah (hehehe ^_~) dia bukan sahaje excel in her academic but also in her love life! how fortunate can one be?? TUHAN ITU MEMANG ADA!!

as a fren, i am damn proud of you! aku doakan semoga ko diberikan kesihatan yang jitu, kekuatan jiwa dan hati, keutuhan iman, dan dirahmati tuhan dalam setiap langkah ko di Australia tuh... jaga makan, elakkan makan megi selalu, jaga solat, pakai baju tebai sarung tgn suma takut sejuk....

aduhh, beso dah @mrah m@jid sorg ni ;)

@mrah, doakn kejayaan kami di Tanah Melayu ni jugak ye? nak poei gakk!!!

hemm...

my template looks depressing!

..... maybe its time to change! its been 4years pon....

+ any suggestions?

nope...

Its not really over. Yet.

Followed husband to his company’s 2nd bowling tournament last night. I was super-excited since its been awhile since my first and foremost bowling experience with the Atcenians. Been looking forward for an opportunity to go play but working life harden the process.

But guess what? One of his team members cannot make it foe the 1st round (or lane they call it) so, I’m in!

Hehehe… with a cheeky smile, I took a size 4 bowling-shoes and trying hard to impress. Guess again? I striked! TWICE! (those was my trying-not-to-jump moment ^_^”)

After the 1st game, the actual player arrived. So the berat the hati to give it back to her but nak wat cne… she’s the one paying rm10 for the game ;)

Watching husband play and having fun with his team members, really reminds me of the GOOD OLD DAYS!

I miss my girlfriends…. WORK makes me too busy to enjoy life. And PD even drives me away from all my craze friends. Yup, they are crazy yet still mine ^_^

I miss hanging out till late night talking and chatting about nothing, dvd sessions till morning, jalan2 danau, charkueytiaw at mali….

I cried. I literally cried when everyone was cheering my husband who didn’t score strike pins (yup, he’s quite bad at bowling ^_^”)

Friends are those who do crazee things for you and with you, who will directly tells you that you’re ugly wearing even pretty dress, who buys you ice-cream even though you didn’t need one… (apekah??)

Gile aku tak dapat tahan my emotions last night! Just because of that stupid, hard-to-resist bowling game….

To you…
I miss you …. So so much… so very much!

emotionally un-fit! any pills?

hati semakin pulih. kurang sedih. untung ade suami yg gheti nak mem-backing diri ini ketika perlu. untuk ade ibu yang tau diri ini dah cukup keciwa dan tak perlu lagi di-leter akan perkara yg sudah berlaku. untung ade kawan2 yang memahami & membantu diri buat keputusan.

.... alhamdulillah ....

TERIMA KASEH TUHAN!

aku tak pergi MARA. ade yang marah. katanya rugi. katanya BODO tak pegi. ade gak yang kate, aku berlagak sombong.

pedulik ape aku ngan kata kamu.

i have my own reasons. and i'm glad i make that decision.

-----------------------------

my dad asked,

" angah, apsal ayong senyap je?"

angah jawab,

"dia tengah berkabung lagi tu..."

ayah blur.

------------------------------

+ tak sabar nak tunggu cuti sekolah \o/

To Read or Not to Read!

i invigilated an exam last sunday. from 9 am to 12 pm. damn boring!
but managed to finish reading Little Black Dress's " The Men's Guide to Women's Bathroom ".

i invigilated an exam yesterday. from 9 am to 12 pm. damn boring!
but i did not managed to finish reading Anne Frank; The Diary of a Jewish Girl.

both books are equally thick. but i am obviously specialized in reading fiction than non-fiction books; which is bad for a literature graduate like me ^_^"

NEXT: Salman Rushdie's "Midnight Children" *ameen*

what a week

phew!
supposed to be a very easy week but turns out to be tense...

minggu ni dah start revision week so no more classes. no more teacher itu, teacher ini *yeay* but then i still have to finish marking their assignments & key-them-in (the carrymarks) into excel file.

my head of unit told me before not the be strict with the students since they are also our 'clients' so aku pon sesedap rase laa nak jadi santa clause by giving them quite-easy mark. bile everything is done, my 'head' told me to re-do ALL the marks for he thinks that the students did not deserve what they get. i'm like.. what the heaven??

yes. i know... i shouldnt be that generous but i just thought that they do deserve their 10-out-of-10 for its a very good groupwork. still, he's the 'head' and the head is always right!

--------------------

i am blessed with A LOT of interviews & callbacks...
c!mb - worked for 3 weeks.
un!+! - got the job. and currently rollin'...
kpl! - suitable for the post but unfortunately they wanted those who graduated in 2007
u!a - underwent all 3 stages but then, no rejeki... yet.
uum - went for the sake of ayah & his 'cabels'

and yesterday, aku baru je poei interview SPP kat pol! pd and tak sempat nak perform aku dah direjek. y? bcos of my own mistake, my own stupidity. i failed to produce my original spm cert.

bodo kan?

cert tuh dah lama ilang. but since all other interviews tak timbulkan issue itu, aku pon keep delaying myself from getting the new one.

padan muke.

ayah frust gile. listening to his voice, aku betul2 rase macam a LOSER to him. gile down. knowing that he's angry at me for making the STUPIDEST action in life.... aku nk kol umah pon rase tak mampu. bile teringat je, nanges. odw balek umah drive keta, nanges. smp umah tgk sutera maya, nangeh. bukak 702 tgk the nanny, nanges.

ye. its my time of the month. but the fact that i failed him sudah mampu untuk membuat aku down sedown-down nyer...

my husband was out of town, training at shah alam. my frens are all over the country, far from me. my sister is 7, still a kid.

but there is always mum.... who will not be angry at her children no matter what...

i miss ibu.....

sudah lama aku tidak mengulaw...

pi oh. aku mengantuk.
hari ini aku sungguh mengantok (--")

*******

went back to Perak last weekend to attend my cousin's wedding. we started the journey back late since my driver had to 'o.t' until late evening. better late than not going back kan? ;)

i lurrve weddings! the colours, the foods, the people... especially the people! makcho & pak lop, paklang & wa'am, pak ude & mak ude, pakndak & makndak, yachu & mak usu, opah... u named it! and i especially love to see my crazy cousins and cute nephews plus ADORABLE nieces...

arissa yang comel.... maisarah yang bulat.... azmeer yang sengal... eii. gerem!

lama tak sembang ngan ibu.... i mean, sembang yang best... tengok ibu senyum, ibu gelak... and ibu selalu gelak when muaz is around.... and sometime i am jeles when he manages to make her smile...

ayah plak... suke bebenor menayang anak jantan sulong dia tuh ke sana ke mari... bengang pulak aku when he asked muaz to escort him to all these rumah terbuka, instead of him (my husband) stay at home with me & us ladies... tapi yelaa, ayah dah lama mau-kan anak lelaki. so, for somebody who never wins, i am glad that he has muaz to back-him-up for anything (eventho they will still lose competing with us girls ^_~)

and aisyah, she is no longer shy-shy with muaz. udah berani mintak didukung, mau disuap makan.... dah boley terima hakikat that she now has a brother to lean on... which is sweet ;)

i called her last night. and she said

"ayong, jangan tido dekat-dekat dengan abang muaz tau? nanti badan gatal2..."

hahahahahhahahahahhahahha (gelak guling2)

*******

kematian.
one of the students died in a car accident. she was taken away on-the-spot, leaving the others comma, leg-broken, stiches everywhere... kata kak tyi, "jalan itu dahagakan darah". kecut gak. pasal i am using the road to go to work. pergi & balek.

Ema was the driver. died. got no driving license. the car was her boyfriend's. the car was without roadtax. that night, he was being bashed by the brother who blamed him for the accident. he tried to defend himself by saying that he never meant for things to happen for his dear Ema promised him that she will only be driving to a kedai makan nearby. they ended up having dinner at town. ended up meeting with a drunken driver.

visited them the next day. Emy forgot what happened, so she was not traumatized from the accident. Liza got both her arms dislocated. tears running down her cheeks. she can still hear them crying for help. Wana just woke up from her comma. her spectacle broke, injuring her eyes. she broke her leg. and her face was still bengkak from the crash. sian family dia. came all the way from Kuantan, ber-ulang Kajang-Seremban pasal they got no sedara nearby.

even so, all of them wanted to go back to college and do their finals. afraid of not finishing the semester as planned. afraid of not having loans to pay for the extra semester.

aku hanya mampu berdoa untuk kalian. dan berasa kasihan untuk kamu & keluarga kamu. terukkan kan aku?

buat sahabat ku syima & firah....
aku hanya mampu ucapkan takziah. terkejut dapat tahu tentang berita hitam itu. maaf, tak berada disitu. maaf, tak tahu nak ucapkan apa-apa untuk senangkan hati kamu. maaf, kerana hanya mampu berdoa agar kamu dikuatkan semangat untuk meneruskan kehidupan.

semua orang akan mati. tak kira berapa teror ko work-out kat gym pon, kalo dah tertules kate ko akan mati jatuh longkang, mati gak.

aku takut mati. aku tau ibu & ayah pon akan mati. aku takut bile tiba saat itu. takut tak dapat sembang ngan dorang laei, takut tak dapat balek and seeing them cosy-ing around in front of the tv, takot tak dapat pelok gomol2 ngan aisyah, takot tak dapat tengok mata redup suami....

ALLAH MAHA KUASA. aku doa kite suma mati dalam iman.

*ameeen*

*******

aku rase aku lonely, ade orang yang lagi sepi dari aku...
aku rase aku malang, ade orang yang lagi malang dari aku...
aku rase aku kecewa ngan dunia, ade orang yang lagi bengang dari aku...

kite selalu tak bersyukur kan?