Let's not talk about tomorrow. 

Let's not talk about the future.

Because as of now, as of today...

I love you. So much. 

You are everything in my life.

Terima kasih ya Allah :)

I love my babies

Watched a very disturbing video just now.

The so-called 'teacher' was spanking kids with wood and even kicked them behind.

You can see the kids squirming at one corner, and macam naik sawan he pulled them out and allahu- aku tak tahu kenapa aku sanggup habiskan video tu.

Ingatan untuk diri sendiri.

Yang selalu juga meroyan macam aku sorang je yang paling stress dalam dunia ni:

"Jangan sampai Allah tarik semula nikmat rezeki..."

They will not be kids forever.

They will not want to hug and share stories with you like they did now.

And when they don't, you'll want them to stay your babies forever.

But how? 

Times flies.

And you will die. Alone.

(T___T")

Betul kata kak Noe,  

"... salah aku la buat benda sebab nak penghargaan manusia."

Salah sendiri.

Sayang lah kita setinggi mana pun pada manusia, 

berkorbanlah sebanyak mana pun selagi termampu, 

kalau dah dia kata 'nak buat camna, Allah yang tentukan semuanya...' 

sakitnya... 

kita sendiri yang rasa.

Ada sedikit menyesal.

Sikit.

Takkan dah jadi baru nak sedar?

Takkan dah terkena baru nak cari Dia?

Berkasih sayang.

Kerana Allah.

Ihsan sesama manusia.

Kerana Allah.

Niatnya haruslah kerana Dia.

Sebab kita tak dapat apa-apa pun jika mengharap dari manusia.

Rabiah Al-Adawiyah jugak yang power!

“Ada dua macam kekasihku kepadamu, 

kasih untuk kebahagiaanmu dan kasih mutlak. 

Kasih kepadamu karena itu adalah hakmu.”

“Adapun kasih yang didorong oleh kerinduan, 

maka aku selalu sibuk menyebutmu, 

daripada menyebut selain engkau.”

“Tetapi kasih mutlak yang menjadi hakmu 

adalah engkau bukakan tabir untukku 

sehingga aku dapat melihatmu.”

“Maka tiada pujian lagi bagiku yang ini ataupun itu, 

tetapi pujian tetap milikmu segala puji kedua kasihku.”

“Mereka semuanya menyembahmu 

lantaran takut siksa neraka. 

Dan mereka berpendapat bahwa bebas dari siksa sebagai keberuntungan.”

“Atau mereka ingin masuk surga 

dan dapat menikmati maghligai-maghligainya 

serta minum arit telaga yang nikmat cita rasanya.”

“Namun bagiku surga dan neraka bukan persoalan, 

karena aku tidak ingin cintaku kepada Tuhan 

bertukar dengan yang lain.”

Makan dalam.

selepas seminggu...

everything seems fake.

seakan dibuat-buat.

tiada kata ikhlas.

tiada yang rasa sempurna.

seperti dulu.

sekarang,
pecah seribu.

Too much love.

Though I love watching romantic comedies, I am one who's too shy to be one.

And since I am not Lisa Surihani, I cannot expect him to be Remi.

It hard to not share stories him.
It gives me headaches!

Teaser

*excited*

I think I am over it now.

Buat apa ade purse mahal, tapi isi dalamnya tak seberapa.

Buat apa beli purse mahal, kalau duit dalam bank tu pun bukan banyak mana.

Buat apa guna kredit kad beli barang, kalau kita tahu kita boleh dapat sesuatu yang lagi murah and it serves its purpose without fail despite the price. Or its brand.

Bersyukurlah wahai hati...
kau masih mampu lagi berbelanja...
Ramai lagi yang tidak merasa...

Tapi salah ke kalau nak merasa yang mahal? 
Yang jenamanya terkenal?

Memang tak salah.

Dia jadi salah bila hal kecik macam tu pun kau jadikan besar.

Kau nak jadik macam Nik Aziz ka macam Rosmah??

sakitnya ku disini... kau tak rasa apa-apa

'Got'  myself an MC for the day.

So, manage to sneak some alone time with the husband. Since he had booked himself an appointment with the ENT.

The morning went well.

Arranged for a movie. 
So happy we managed to get VIP parking which is very rare.
Had simple breakfast yet very heart fulfilling.
Watched FF7.

Until...
that happened.
 
I am sure he did not realised what happened.

Maybe its just me being overly sensitive.

I don't know.

Being in my 30's did not make me any mature.

I think, the older you get... the more attention you need.

Are we in the marriage stage where pujuk-memujuk is no longer necessary?

And being romantic is a nuisance?

It is probably easy for guys to move pass something they felt ridiculous. While the ladies have the tendency to over-looking things.

But that's just me.

And by letting me loose, you unintentionally hurt me. Inside and out.

Forget it.
I'm on my period.

That's probably why I am all moody and stuff.

I just need you to help me choose a good, new purse for myself.

And that's the only time we have. Time to spend.
Without having to worry about the kids.

Just you and me.
And my future new purse.

And probably new lingerie as well.

pfft!

Mixed Feelings Episode 3

Previously, I was so excited with the idea of going to the kayaking exhibition.

It will be just like the good  'ol days.

Sibuk dok carik dry bag laa, dry pouch laa... and I'm sure the husband mesti muak asek dok beria cakap pasal kayak saja sampai dia tanya...

"Tak boleh bawak saya ke?"

Jeles ye? Saya suka!

Aaaaand when Bamer officially told me that I was not in the list, memang frust. Nanges waktu mandi jugak laa...

Kali ni, aku takde kepoh-kepoh. Takde canang kat orang kata nk pi expedisi bagai.

Except with the husband. And the kids.

Not even my mom.

Tapi kalau Tuhan kata 'Tidak', maka tidaklah jawabnya...

So, I have been thinking...

Pasaipa I was so emotional about kayaking?

Is it because I really like it? I am passionate about it?

Or its just because I wanna re-live some part of my life when I was younger??

Cause if kayaking really is a BIG part of my life... why the hiatus?

Why didn't  I kayak a lot? I live very near to a lot of paid kayaking facilities.
I even have access to kayak at my workplace.

But, I didn't utilize it.

Compared to Bamer, despite having to work and juggle family time, he makes the effort to do maraton, heck he is even a part-time kayaking trainer at my alma mater.
.
.
.
.
I miss those times.

I believed I was my best when I join kayaking.

I didn't know I had it in me.

I was even the university's MASUM '06 kayaking athlete, man!

The fact that I was listed and competed was really among the best moments in my life.
.
.
.
.
But I guess that was me 11kg ago.

Yesterday, I sent of 6 of my students from our Kayak Club to the Kayak Star 1 workshop.

I am happy, because I am glad many of them had the interest.

I am sad, cause as Club Advisor, I am only a big talker without any legit qualification.


Till next time.
I'm off cleaning poop.
That's my life now.

After 6 months...

... I gained extra 3kg.

(--")

Mixed Feelings Episode 2

Contacted Bamer as promised.

"Alamak! Lupa la Yada! Sekarang dah penuh pulak..."

"Takpalaa... xdak rezeki kot. Nanti Ada btau Yina..."

"Eh, tapi nama Yina ada..."

Pulak.

Was moody the whole day.

(--")

Mixed Feelings Episode 1

Talked with Bamer.

He informed that they'll be on a kayaking trip next year April.

I asked him to book me a spot. If its ok with the organiser.

I was surprised he said 'yes'.

*so happy*
*cannot wait*

I choose you...

There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me you could not come true
Just love's illusion
But then you found me and everything changed
And I believe in something again

~ Sara Bareilles

Staying healthy. Staying fit.

During my early uni years, my weight was 40kg.

Underweight. I know.

Then I involved with kayaking. I gained extra 3 kg, building muscles and stuff.

No kidding weh! All those training really makes me hungry even more yet since I train regularly, all those fat became muscles that I am very proud of! *yeah*

Moving forward to 2010. After delivering my beautiful Sarah, I gain extra 2 kg. And another 2 kg in 2011, when came my lovely Hannan.

It is now 2014. I am at my heaviest so far, weighing 50kg.

I don't mind the weight. I think.

But I hate myself when I am easily tired.

I cannot run without having to stop every 1 minute.

I cannot stand longer than 10 minutes. Which is troublesome when I am in need on some shopping therapy *lol*

I hate that I cannot carry myself like I use to.

I hate it when my pants and kurung does not approve of my thighs and hips.

I hate it when I sit, I could feel my stomach doubled like a Subway sandwich.

I need to take charge. Be in control of myself. Do not let my nafs towards food control my life.

I need to this for me. For my hubby. For my babies.

This is a note to myself.

Let see how far I get.

p/s: I am just done with 100 crunches. Today is my second day.

Mak budak tak sedaq diri (-_-")

Sunyi pulak rumah ni... bila depa suma dah balik.

My family graced our humble home for 3 days, baru semalam jak depa balik Ipoh balik.

Memang la riuh, sempit, habes berabuk rambut teraboq ntah mana hala semua... Tapi meriah! And all mess was worth it!

Ibu is so pretty, as per usual.
Mek Jah as annoying as ever, orang dah awai suh siap. Last minit jugakkk dia nak mandi mekap bagai.
Ayah macam besa laa, dok bersandaq macam kat rumah sendiri xdak TV.
Adik was soo boring. Asek mengadap hp jak. Tak best ah depa ni bila dah besaq. Asek buat kija sendiri ja. Dulu kemain kepit bawah ketiak kita.

... gitu gak la kot Sarah Hannan besaq nanti. Takmo kawan ibu dah. Ibu sudah tidak 'cool' *sobs*

Had the opportunity sleeping with Ibu.

Kuruih sungguh mak aku ni. Pipi dh cengkung. Nampak penat sungguh tidoq menganga semua.

Nampak dah tua.

Bergenang ayaq mata. Pasai she looked just like arwah opah.

No, my ibu is not sick. But seeing her soo skinny and tired looking reminds me that she's not getting any younger and as much as I want to be near her, I am not.

And I regret not hugging her during our parting yesterday.

Pasaipa ntah. Biasa memang aku laa dok sakan peluk cium semua.

Pastu dah dok meroyan moody xpasai2.

Cepat la balik ghaya.

Kita ghindu kat ibu kita!

Nak mengadu...

Penat lah.

Baru sampai rumah.

Letak bag.

Dah terus ke dapoq.

Basuh pinggan. Basuh  botoi. Clear pinggan kering. Lap dapoq. Kemas meja makan. Siapkan dinner. Basuh baju masuk mesin. Makan. Dok sat depan tivi dah anak nak berak kencin. Dok balik pastu teringat kain tak lipat lagi. Mangkit lipat pulak. Sakit belakang pasai dok tegak saja. Baring sat dah pastu kena layan depa tdoq dah pukui 10.

Penat lah.

6 years and counting!

... even after 6 years, he is still my greatest "catch"! :)

tipu la kata tak gaduh.

tipu la kata tak sakit hati.

tapi kena la pujuk. kena la ambil hati. kena toleransi.

sayang sangat. syukur sangat.

Terima kasih ya Allah.

throwback January - February 2014

 Yup. Anak-anak dok excited bangun turun kerusi. Siap berebut nak tengok keluar tingkap lagi. Tapi bapak keras saja dok tepi. Gayat katanya. Alhamdulillah trip 45 minutes sahaja :)

 Touchdown Pekan Baru's Sultan Syarif Qasim II airport. Boleh tahan cantik airport dia. and tak berapa nak risau kalau flight delayed pasal it's spacious and takda la rasa insecure macam kat Bandung ^___^"

 And this is the famous Kelok 9. Kelok means jalan-bengkang-bengkok. It is so dangerous, alhamdulilah they manage to build new roads to replace it. By the time we reach the place, Hannan has fallen asleep on my lap. So abah, Sarah and makngah saja laa yang layan the view.

Our first morning at Bukit Tinggi. 

We were so tired, it was a 7-hour drive from Pekan Baru, mind you.

Tapi kawasan tu sejukkk banget! Nama pun Bukit Tinggi kan? :)

Next stop, Danau Maninjau. 

It is, subhanallah, an amazing view! Gila bosaw tasek dia, and the water looks so green from above. We didnt manage to get a clear picture  of the lake though. But it is mesmerizing. Plus, it windy too! Look at ma' hood! *wink*

 After that, Heri drove us down through Kelok 44.

We were lucky Heri is a good driver. Speeding yes, but still ok alhamdulillah. Of course, I did took any picture of the road since we are too busy holding one another in the car. But the picture above gives you an idea of how the road is... times 44!

 This was our second stop, rumahnya Buya Hamka :)

The funny thing was, even both Heri & Adel tak tahu pun wujudnya such wisata. Macam aku gak la, nama saja duduk PD, tapi Muzium Tentera Darat tu pon aku tak sampai laei huhu

 Ahhhh... this is the place that I miss the most! 

The dreamy Air Mancur Lembah Anai.

Mula-mula pelik gak, "Pasaipa laa nak kena gi tengok air terjun. Mesia pon ade..." pastu amek kau! Nak balik pon tak sampai hati, sedeh (T__T")

It's quite a small area, tak bosar pon air terjunnya tapi mashaallah... airnya jernih bersih cantik! betul kata review, memang Lembah Anai ni ibaratnya cebisan rahmat yang jatuh dari syorga... saya rindu! 

 Malam itu, kami ke Jam Gadang. saja nak rasa night life bersama local people. biasa-biasa saja semua. except for here, in Indonesia, nothing is free. even nak tangkap gambo dengan maskot pon kena bayo. pasal kalau suma free, habes laa ramai rakyat depa ramai xdak kija. 

 Peek-a-boo! I can see you :)

Kakak Sarah demam. But alhamdulillah bekal semua siap. Tapi we missed Lobang Japang and Tembok Cina. Makngah and the boys went ahead. Kami siap2 saja mahu kembali ke Pekan Baru for the wedding. 

We arrived at Pekan Baru at 2 am despite leaving early from Bukit Tinggi. Tapi mana tak lambat, semedang menyinggahnye ;p

Wedding of the month :)

Ade sedikit segan bila pi kenduri Pak Kiki ni benornye. 

Rasa macam out of place. Pasal SEMUA ORANG PAKAI GLAMOR GILA HIJABISTA TAK HENGAT PUNYA!

And whether you like it or not, before you leave the wedding, you have to bagi 'duit tangan' for the pengantin. And you will also be asked to declare how much you give in a book prepared, complete with your signature.

Nasib baik ada bawak sampul raya *phew*

All and all, it was a memorable trip. 7 hari weh! Kau hade? 

Despite not having Kiki to bring us around, he is one hell of a host! 

Hoping to see him November for Angah's wedding.

 Jangan serik dengan kami ya? :) 

alhamdulillah

sejak beberapa hari ni, I have been re-visiting my previous entries. 
seronok juga baca entry lama.
kau nampak progress diri kau, dulu dan sekarang.
waktu blaja dulu lain, baru-baru kawen juga lain. 
ni dah  beranak ni lagi laa lain.
lain dari segi cara bercerita.
jenis ceritanya.
mood ceritanya.
grammar English-nya juga. *hehe*

dan after reading all of that, I realised that there are a lot things that I should thank Allah for.

dari takdak boyfren, sampai dok ada 3.
dari antara yang selebet, jadik antara yang terawal mendirikan rumah tangga.
dari dok buat perangai childish, sendiri sudah punya anak dua.
dari dok komplen xbertuah boleh travel macam orang lain, alhamdulillah... Bandung, Pekan Baru & Bukit Tinggi Indonesia sampai sudah.

You see? God has his own plan.
And His plan is not much different from ours, only better and on the perfect time.

Alhamdulillah... thank you Allah.

Menabung untuk ke Mekah & Madinah pula insyaallah :)

  

Penatlah.

Kita tak boleh buat semua orang suka kita.
Sebab kalau semua orang suka kita, maknanya ade laa benda tak betul yang kita dah buat tu.
Kenapa pulak macam tu? 
Yelaa, setiap suka dan tidak suka orang itu berbeza.
Dan bukan mudah untuk kita puaskan hati semua.
Pasti akan ada yang terluka.
Lebih-lebih lagi kita.

Buat apa jadi lilin yang membakar diri?
Lagi-lagi kepada mereka yang tak reti nak hargai diri ini.

Baik berpada-pada.
Jangan sampai makan diri.