My eldest is now 13.
No longer a baby. Already a pre-teen.
I love you still, baby.
You taught me how to be patient. How to grow mature. How to live better.
Most importantly, you love me.
Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter. Always nice. Always kind.
Ibu doakan Sarah dapat semua yang Sarah impikan, semua yang Sarah mahukan. Dan semuanya yang terbaik untuk Ummu Sarah yang ibu sayang.
Belum masuk asrama, but I miss you already. Sobs.
Issa hurt.
When you punch me. Kicked me. Throw me out of the bed.
Issa hurt.
When you avoid me. Not looking at me. Ignoring me.
It does not hurt on the outside. Nothing on the skin. No scar on my head.
But it hurts deeply inside.
In my heart. In my mind.
I know you didn’t mean it. I know you mean well.
But it stills hurt. Inside.
Woke up late this morning. Was in a rush for everything - prepping breakfast, packing Umar's bag, showering etc
Then I heard laughing from the kitchen. Opened the door to see the husband chatting with girls about 'international culture' while having breakfast together.
It warmed my heart. The view. Their laughs.
Terima kasih, ya Allah. For this lovely gift.
I just created an account in L*inkedln.
And suddenly had the urge to search this one uni friend of mine. The amazing Emma.
And after all these time, she is still amazing. Even more! So proud of her.
I still didn't know what happened between me and her. Tetibe kena unfriend. I typed a long message to her, still. No reply.
Obviously, I did not moved on. Hence the stalking LOL
* * * * *
I actually envy her. Still. And a lot others.
How they became a better version of themselves. Professionally. Could that have been me?
Can I still get this family that I have now, if I were to pursue the so-called career of mine?
* * * * *
No one can predict the future. One can only plan.
At the KD, after almost 6 months missing Umar's appointments.
"Wahhh... ke sana ke sini puan ye mengisahkan appointment anak ye?"
Come to think about it, yes.
My calendar is filled with Umar's follow-up with the paeds, OT treatments and speech classes...
Alhamdulillah, his focus retention is better. More eye contact with us. A lot of role-playing developed. But even though he has not yet speaking properly, he's very good with his body language. Or it is us who are alhamdulillah able to understand his body and facial expressions which allow us to engage with him better.
But I still think there's a lot more than I can do. That can be done.
I know I cannot compare myself with other supermom out there. But it always hurt when I know that I can be and do better.
"But I need rest. I am tired. I need time to myself."
Said the lazy, incompetent, selfish, stupid mother to herself.
Done with October classes and markings and all. YAY!
"Salam puan, dah boleh standby untuk kelas Mac ye?"
Party pooper. Pfft!
New day, new week.
I plan to only spend my weekdays on work. And weekends for the family.
We will see...
Stayed home. Because staying home when abah is around is wholesome.
And it's tengah bulan pon :p
Last day of the semester for my October students. *yay*
Not looking forward to marking their assessments soonest 😑
They asked to go to myKori for a quick dessert time.
Sarah ordered her usual watermelon kakigori. Hannan tried the yummy strawberry yogurt. Ibu, abah & Umar shared the ever chocolaty choco brownies kakigori 💓
Happy birthday, Yang Dipertuan Negeri Sembilan. Thanks for the annual birthday holiday ;)
PKPB 2.0 for us.
Nothing new.
Husband's still need to go to work. Kids still at home. And me? Still on my laptop like literally on screen time 24 hours blurghhhhhh
