Friday, February 15, 2019

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Had the chance to have a one-on-one date with le hubsbaby! 

Coincidently on the V-day, OK? 

I was usually the one who plans, and he’s the one paying hiks.

But this time, I don’t really feel like it. 

No jitters. No happy-romantic mood or the like. 
I expected nothing. 

Entah why. Rasa macam rugitakgunacutisebabcutidahlulustapibanyakkejenakbuattapikejemanapernahabesbilalaginakdatingtpbukanadeduitpunnaksplurgeondatesntahlaaaaaaaaaaaa

Mungkin sebab dah lama sangat pending nak dating, when the time actually fits, I felt just OK. 

I got afraid of planning.
Because when I plan something nice, something will come up and ruins it. 

He gotta work. Umar warded. Cuti abes jaga Umar warded. Cannot cuti because too much work pending attending to the baby. Money wasted on eating out cause mommy’s too tired stressed to use the kitchen. I could go on and on and on and on...
Registered for a seminar last weekend. 
At first, I registered for the course mainly because it is on a Saturday and it was held near BBB. 
So many plans in my head: shopping, food hunting, and the likes.

My colleagues who went to the same program looked at me weirdly and asked, 
“Kenapa taknak balik terus? Tak rindu anak ke?”

I answered, “Waktu aku keluar rumah tadi pagi pun, sorang pun tak keluar babai ibu depa... pakat melekat dengan abah saja, kau rasa?!”
It’s not that I don’t miss them, I do! 
But I just want to do something for me. Go somewhere that I want fo be without having to think about anyone else. I just want go be bothered about my own stuff, my own needs. 
Initially, I enjoyed the date. But I knew it’ll be a better date if the kids are around. Then I’ll complain again saying I want my me-time blablabla 

Story of my current life. 

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Ibu yang terbersalah.

“Korang dah try bagi xxx? Cuba lah, orang kata bagus...”
“Engkorang bagi dia makan apa ni? Ade benda yang  dia tak boleh makan ni...”
“Dah cuba rawatan xxx?”
“Sikit-sikit masuk hospital. Suke sangat duduk sana ye?”
“Tak cuba hospital xxx? Hospital xxx tu bukan elok sangat...”
“Xyah la hantar dia ke taska laa. Hantar je rumah orang, xde masuk hospital selalu...”
“Ape laa yang ko makan time pregnant dia dulu? Tulaa makan tak jaga...”

Semua salah aku. 
Aku yang buat anak aku jadi macamni.
Aku yang mintak. Aku yang mencari. 
Dah puas hati? 

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Silver lining? Why silver? Why can't it be yellow?

Someone took my sandals today.
Right after Maghrib prayer.

When I realised that it was lost, I was not that shocked.
Do not know why.

Maybe it has to do with something that I have said last time.
About wanting to lose my slippers and have the reason to buy a new one?

But, the one that was lost today was not a slipper.
It was my fave sandals!
The good thing is: I have a reason to scout/buy a new one! *yay*
The problem is: I do not really have the money/time at the moment. *sad*

I can't bring the whole team with me because:

1) It will be a lost of their time having to wait and jumping in-and-out of shops just so I could find something that I like and has good pricing as well! 

2) I will easily lost my patience and my appetite to shop when they make faces and grumps for having to wait for me finish shopping!

I have issues. I know.
But I'm sure I'm not the only one.

- will do the shopping part alone
- need to go see someone about me and my anger management issues.
But I doubt it. I don't think I'll do that. Cause I do not have the time!

Happy New Year

“Umar dah setahun lebih ye? Dah ‘langkah longkang’ kan? Orang tua-tua percaya, kata kalau budak boleh langkah longkang maknanya dah beso la tu, dah takde sakit-sakit dah insyaallah...”

Checking in at exactly 2 days after the above conversation.
Talked too soon.

Sunday, December 16, 2018


Don’t get me wrong, I love it when my parents came to visit.
I get to spend lotsa quality time with my mom.
And she can look after Umar so I can get some things done.

However, I also (at times) get very crazy when they are here with us *urghhh*

Like, for example:

My mom just can’t sit still. She’ll be rummaging my room, looking for kain to lipat, baju to repair, carpet to vaccum. And just this evening, she’s making herself busy trimming my lawn.

Not that I’m not thankful but at her age, I just need her to relax and play with her grandson. I can take care of the rest. “I got this, ibu...”.

And knowing that she’ll be tired and all, makes me stressful!
Like nak-marah-semua-orang-punya-stressful!

And there’s my dad.
My I’m-hungry-bila-nak-masak-macam-mana-nak-makan-kalau-tak-hidang kinda dad.

At his age now, he can get very selfish.

For example:
My baby is asleep, and he’s happily increased the volume of the TV.

Another example was this evening, when everyone (and I mean everyone including Umar the baby) was out tending to the lawn, he so happily watching Netflix and even has the guts to “Eh, takde minum petang ke?”

Ko ghase?

And there’s the blocked sink. It messes the kitchen. And I got cranky when things got messy and nothing was done to make it better. And they keep using the sink despite me telling them to go wash their hands in the washroom (there’s also usable sink there).

And oh! Did I mentioned that I need to have to present my slides tomorrow in front of the president. And I havent finished the slides due to bad WIFI at the hospital?

Umar was warded the whole of last week. We just got discharged yesterday’s evening. And that’s another story for another time.

And before maghrib I was making muka sebab penat tapi nak kena masak sebab takkan-nak-mintak-ibu-yang-penat-tu-masak-jugak dan tetiba my dad asked bila nak siap masak ni?!

Cepatttt je rasa macam nak beli makan kat luar, but due to my recent discussion with the husband: money is something that we need to control from now onwards. So, no to eating out.

Tetiba, the husband got fedup and and stormed out of the house looking for things to repair the sink alone. Or I assumed.

Now, Umar is asleep and my dad got so hyped with ntah cerita apa dia tengok and turn on the volume some more.

So, you see... I have so much to do. But I use the time to complain instead.

Whose to blame now??


Semua orang penat.
My mom penat tolong kemas rumah anak dia yang tak terjaga, sebab kesian sibuk jaga anak kecik.
My sister pun penat, sebab asyik kena suruh sini sana mentang2 laaa dia kecik lagi baru lepas SPM semua.
My husband lagi penat, sebab dia taknak buat semua yang dia kena buat harini sebab dia nak rehat penat jaga anak masuk hospital ituhari tapi kalau tak buat bini marah-marah.

Kau cakap bapak kau selfish?
Kau pun sama!

Monday, November 26, 2018

I miss yous

A sent me a picture yesterday.

Of her with Ems and Addy.
Oh how I miss those two!

But, I know my place.
Which is no longer with 'em.

I've been unfriended.
And even after a long message, I'm still unfriended.

Takkan tak paham bahasa lagi kan, wahai makyong?

Takpelah... janji korang sihat dan bahagia selalu :)

*Very the drama. I know.
But, life is nothing but drama. No?