Mixed Feelings Episode 1

Talked with Bamer.

He informed that they'll be on a kayaking trip next year April.

I asked him to book me a spot. If its ok with the organiser.

I was surprised he said 'yes'.

*so happy*
*cannot wait*

I choose you...

There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me you could not come true
Just love's illusion
But then you found me and everything changed
And I believe in something again

~ Sara Bareilles

Staying healthy. Staying fit.

During my early uni years, my weight was 40kg.

Underweight. I know.

Then I involved with kayaking. I gained extra 3 kg, building muscles and stuff.

No kidding weh! All those training really makes me hungry even more yet since I train regularly, all those fat became muscles that I am very proud of! *yeah*

Moving forward to 2010. After delivering my beautiful Sarah, I gain extra 2 kg. And another 2 kg in 2011, when came my lovely Hannan.

It is now 2014. I am at my heaviest so far, weighing 50kg.

I don't mind the weight. I think.

But I hate myself when I am easily tired.

I cannot run without having to stop every 1 minute.

I cannot stand longer than 10 minutes. Which is troublesome when I am in need on some shopping therapy *lol*

I hate that I cannot carry myself like I use to.

I hate it when my pants and kurung does not approve of my thighs and hips.

I hate it when I sit, I could feel my stomach doubled like a Subway sandwich.

I need to take charge. Be in control of myself. Do not let my nafs towards food control my life.

I need to this for me. For my hubby. For my babies.

This is a note to myself.

Let see how far I get.

p/s: I am just done with 100 crunches. Today is my second day.

Mak budak tak sedaq diri (-_-")

Sunyi pulak rumah ni... bila depa suma dah balik.

My family graced our humble home for 3 days, baru semalam jak depa balik Ipoh balik.

Memang la riuh, sempit, habes berabuk rambut teraboq ntah mana hala semua... Tapi meriah! And all mess was worth it!

Ibu is so pretty, as per usual.
Mek Jah as annoying as ever, orang dah awai suh siap. Last minit jugakkk dia nak mandi mekap bagai.
Ayah macam besa laa, dok bersandaq macam kat rumah sendiri xdak TV.
Adik was soo boring. Asek mengadap hp jak. Tak best ah depa ni bila dah besaq. Asek buat kija sendiri ja. Dulu kemain kepit bawah ketiak kita.

... gitu gak la kot Sarah Hannan besaq nanti. Takmo kawan ibu dah. Ibu sudah tidak 'cool' *sobs*

Had the opportunity sleeping with Ibu.

Kuruih sungguh mak aku ni. Pipi dh cengkung. Nampak penat sungguh tidoq menganga semua.

Nampak dah tua.

Bergenang ayaq mata. Pasai she looked just like arwah opah.

No, my ibu is not sick. But seeing her soo skinny and tired looking reminds me that she's not getting any younger and as much as I want to be near her, I am not.

And I regret not hugging her during our parting yesterday.

Pasaipa ntah. Biasa memang aku laa dok sakan peluk cium semua.

Pastu dah dok meroyan moody xpasai2.

Cepat la balik ghaya.

Kita ghindu kat ibu kita!

Nak mengadu...

Penat lah.

Baru sampai rumah.

Letak bag.

Dah terus ke dapoq.

Basuh pinggan. Basuh  botoi. Clear pinggan kering. Lap dapoq. Kemas meja makan. Siapkan dinner. Basuh baju masuk mesin. Makan. Dok sat depan tivi dah anak nak berak kencin. Dok balik pastu teringat kain tak lipat lagi. Mangkit lipat pulak. Sakit belakang pasai dok tegak saja. Baring sat dah pastu kena layan depa tdoq dah pukui 10.

Penat lah.

6 years and counting!

... even after 6 years, he is still my greatest "catch"! :)

tipu la kata tak gaduh.

tipu la kata tak sakit hati.

tapi kena la pujuk. kena la ambil hati. kena toleransi.

sayang sangat. syukur sangat.

Terima kasih ya Allah.

throwback January - February 2014

 Yup. Anak-anak dok excited bangun turun kerusi. Siap berebut nak tengok keluar tingkap lagi. Tapi bapak keras saja dok tepi. Gayat katanya. Alhamdulillah trip 45 minutes sahaja :)

 Touchdown Pekan Baru's Sultan Syarif Qasim II airport. Boleh tahan cantik airport dia. and tak berapa nak risau kalau flight delayed pasal it's spacious and takda la rasa insecure macam kat Bandung ^___^"

 And this is the famous Kelok 9. Kelok means jalan-bengkang-bengkok. It is so dangerous, alhamdulilah they manage to build new roads to replace it. By the time we reach the place, Hannan has fallen asleep on my lap. So abah, Sarah and makngah saja laa yang layan the view.

Our first morning at Bukit Tinggi. 

We were so tired, it was a 7-hour drive from Pekan Baru, mind you.

Tapi kawasan tu sejukkk banget! Nama pun Bukit Tinggi kan? :)

Next stop, Danau Maninjau. 

It is, subhanallah, an amazing view! Gila bosaw tasek dia, and the water looks so green from above. We didnt manage to get a clear picture  of the lake though. But it is mesmerizing. Plus, it windy too! Look at ma' hood! *wink*

 After that, Heri drove us down through Kelok 44.

We were lucky Heri is a good driver. Speeding yes, but still ok alhamdulillah. Of course, I did took any picture of the road since we are too busy holding one another in the car. But the picture above gives you an idea of how the road is... times 44!

 This was our second stop, rumahnya Buya Hamka :)

The funny thing was, even both Heri & Adel tak tahu pun wujudnya such wisata. Macam aku gak la, nama saja duduk PD, tapi Muzium Tentera Darat tu pon aku tak sampai laei huhu

 Ahhhh... this is the place that I miss the most! 

The dreamy Air Mancur Lembah Anai.

Mula-mula pelik gak, "Pasaipa laa nak kena gi tengok air terjun. Mesia pon ade..." pastu amek kau! Nak balik pon tak sampai hati, sedeh (T__T")

It's quite a small area, tak bosar pon air terjunnya tapi mashaallah... airnya jernih bersih cantik! betul kata review, memang Lembah Anai ni ibaratnya cebisan rahmat yang jatuh dari syorga... saya rindu! 

 Malam itu, kami ke Jam Gadang. saja nak rasa night life bersama local people. biasa-biasa saja semua. except for here, in Indonesia, nothing is free. even nak tangkap gambo dengan maskot pon kena bayo. pasal kalau suma free, habes laa ramai rakyat depa ramai xdak kija. 

 Peek-a-boo! I can see you :)

Kakak Sarah demam. But alhamdulillah bekal semua siap. Tapi we missed Lobang Japang and Tembok Cina. Makngah and the boys went ahead. Kami siap2 saja mahu kembali ke Pekan Baru for the wedding. 

We arrived at Pekan Baru at 2 am despite leaving early from Bukit Tinggi. Tapi mana tak lambat, semedang menyinggahnye ;p

Wedding of the month :)

Ade sedikit segan bila pi kenduri Pak Kiki ni benornye. 

Rasa macam out of place. Pasal SEMUA ORANG PAKAI GLAMOR GILA HIJABISTA TAK HENGAT PUNYA!

And whether you like it or not, before you leave the wedding, you have to bagi 'duit tangan' for the pengantin. And you will also be asked to declare how much you give in a book prepared, complete with your signature.

Nasib baik ada bawak sampul raya *phew*

All and all, it was a memorable trip. 7 hari weh! Kau hade? 

Despite not having Kiki to bring us around, he is one hell of a host! 

Hoping to see him November for Angah's wedding.

 Jangan serik dengan kami ya? :) 

alhamdulillah

sejak beberapa hari ni, I have been re-visiting my previous entries. 
seronok juga baca entry lama.
kau nampak progress diri kau, dulu dan sekarang.
waktu blaja dulu lain, baru-baru kawen juga lain. 
ni dah  beranak ni lagi laa lain.
lain dari segi cara bercerita.
jenis ceritanya.
mood ceritanya.
grammar English-nya juga. *hehe*

dan after reading all of that, I realised that there are a lot things that I should thank Allah for.

dari takdak boyfren, sampai dok ada 3.
dari antara yang selebet, jadik antara yang terawal mendirikan rumah tangga.
dari dok buat perangai childish, sendiri sudah punya anak dua.
dari dok komplen xbertuah boleh travel macam orang lain, alhamdulillah... Bandung, Pekan Baru & Bukit Tinggi Indonesia sampai sudah.

You see? God has his own plan.
And His plan is not much different from ours, only better and on the perfect time.

Alhamdulillah... thank you Allah.

Menabung untuk ke Mekah & Madinah pula insyaallah :)

  

Penatlah.

Kita tak boleh buat semua orang suka kita.
Sebab kalau semua orang suka kita, maknanya ade laa benda tak betul yang kita dah buat tu.
Kenapa pulak macam tu? 
Yelaa, setiap suka dan tidak suka orang itu berbeza.
Dan bukan mudah untuk kita puaskan hati semua.
Pasti akan ada yang terluka.
Lebih-lebih lagi kita.

Buat apa jadi lilin yang membakar diri?
Lagi-lagi kepada mereka yang tak reti nak hargai diri ini.

Baik berpada-pada.
Jangan sampai makan diri.

stress.

Dah lama tak dating.
Berdua sahaja.
Tengok movie. Maraton movies.
Jalan-jalan. 
Pegang-pegang tangan.
Makan makanan mahal-mahal.

...rindulah.

COACH vs aku

"Amboi kak. Lawa beg? Brape ribu ni??" aku tanya gurau-gurau saja.

"Isk. Tak mahal lah. lapanratus ja".

Keras sekejap aku. 
Telan air liur bertalu-talu.
lapanratus je?  
Memang la kau keje gomen. Tapi gaji level SPM kot. 
Brapa depa bagi kau bulan-bulan??
Ituhari MANGO, kali ni COACH.  
Itu belum aku dengkikan kasut CLARKS anak kau lagi.  
... ko tak boleh nak salahkan aku kalau aku rasa jeles.
pasal dah lumrahnya, manusia macam aku ni pasti akan rasa mahu lebih macam orang lain.

pasaipa dia boleh beli handbag mahal sampai 4, 5 biji? 

Aku pulak asek beli hat murah saja...

pasaipa baju seluar dress dia suma beli boutique? 

aku jugak yang asek round bundle carik jenama murah...   

Masalahnya:

SAPA SURUH KAU BELI YG MURAH?
Salah diri sendiri.  
Tapi aku takut nak beli yang mahal.  
Mampukah nak survive sampai hujung bulan?
Mampukah nak maintain masak saja hari-hari tiap malam balik penat keje?
Mampu... tapi tak mahu. 
Mahu...  tapi tak brapa nak mampu.
sigh.
dilema pompuan psiko. 
aku.
bukan kamu.
takyah sibuk nk terasa.

... and we are back!

... to our homestay: The hospital! 
It is the school break. 
My baby sister is here with me, since ibu ayah semua went for umrah last Sunday.
But pity her, having to spend her holidays in the hospital, assisting me while kakak Sarah is under treatment.
Alhamdulillah, nothing serious.
Tapi tulah... pekat betul kahaknya. 
3kali suction pun still batuknya berbunyi.
But, double alhamdulillah *yay* Doc kate hari ni semua dh OK and we are ready to go back home!

This time, only Kakak Sarah was admitted. 
My Hannan, alhamdulillah, was clear without any sickness.
It seems that she is more immune to sickness compared to her big sister.

And it breaks my heart to not let them stay together.

They have never being apart before. 
But alhamdulillah, both of them took it very well.

When Hannan came to visit her sister, Sarah asked to wait for her in front of the elevator. 
And once Hannan step out of it, they ran towards each other and hug each other macam sebulan tak jumpa

...pastu nangeh pasal dahi berlaga peluk salah angle *hahahahahahaha*

Terima kasih ya Allah!
Semoga kasih sayang ini berkekalan hingga ke syurga ameen :)