I choose you...

There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me you could not come true
Just love's illusion
But then you found me and everything changed
And I believe in something again

~ Sara Bareilles

Staying healthy. Staying fit.

During my early uni years, my weight was 40kg.

Underweight. I know.

Then I involved with kayaking. I gained extra 3 kg, building muscles and stuff.

No kidding weh! All those training really makes me hungry even more yet since I train regularly, all those fat became muscles that I am very proud of! *yeah*

Moving forward to 2010. After delivering my beautiful Sarah, I gain extra 2 kg. And another 2 kg in 2011, when came my lovely Hannan.

It is now 2014. I am at my heaviest so far, weighing 50kg.

I don't mind the weight. I think.

But I hate myself when I am easily tired.

I cannot run without having to stop every 1 minute.

I cannot stand longer than 10 minutes. Which is troublesome when I am in need on some shopping therapy *lol*

I hate that I cannot carry myself like I use to.

I hate it when my pants and kurung does not approve of my thighs and hips.

I hate it when I sit, I could feel my stomach doubled like a Subway sandwich.

I need to take charge. Be in control of myself. Do not let my nafs towards food control my life.

I need to this for me. For my hubby. For my babies.

This is a note to myself.

Let see how far I get.

p/s: I am just done with 100 crunches. Today is my second day.

Mak budak tak sedaq diri (-_-")

Sunyi pulak rumah ni... bila depa suma dah balik.

My family graced our humble home for 3 days, baru semalam jak depa balik Ipoh balik.

Memang la riuh, sempit, habes berabuk rambut teraboq ntah mana hala semua... Tapi meriah! And all mess was worth it!

Ibu is so pretty, as per usual.
Mek Jah as annoying as ever, orang dah awai suh siap. Last minit jugakkk dia nak mandi mekap bagai.
Ayah macam besa laa, dok bersandaq macam kat rumah sendiri xdak TV.
Adik was soo boring. Asek mengadap hp jak. Tak best ah depa ni bila dah besaq. Asek buat kija sendiri ja. Dulu kemain kepit bawah ketiak kita.

... gitu gak la kot Sarah Hannan besaq nanti. Takmo kawan ibu dah. Ibu sudah tidak 'cool' *sobs*

Had the opportunity sleeping with Ibu.

Kuruih sungguh mak aku ni. Pipi dh cengkung. Nampak penat sungguh tidoq menganga semua.

Nampak dah tua.

Bergenang ayaq mata. Pasai she looked just like arwah opah.

No, my ibu is not sick. But seeing her soo skinny and tired looking reminds me that she's not getting any younger and as much as I want to be near her, I am not.

And I regret not hugging her during our parting yesterday.

Pasaipa ntah. Biasa memang aku laa dok sakan peluk cium semua.

Pastu dah dok meroyan moody xpasai2.

Cepat la balik ghaya.

Kita ghindu kat ibu kita!

Nak mengadu...

Penat lah.

Baru sampai rumah.

Letak bag.

Dah terus ke dapoq.

Basuh pinggan. Basuh  botoi. Clear pinggan kering. Lap dapoq. Kemas meja makan. Siapkan dinner. Basuh baju masuk mesin. Makan. Dok sat depan tivi dah anak nak berak kencin. Dok balik pastu teringat kain tak lipat lagi. Mangkit lipat pulak. Sakit belakang pasai dok tegak saja. Baring sat dah pastu kena layan depa tdoq dah pukui 10.

Penat lah.