Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Very wrong

I've been dreading for a holiday since my last confinement break.

"Nak gi holiday, nak tenangkan fikiran dan hati..."
"Nak gi holiday, nak berehat dan chill dengan family..."

So, last Saturday we went for an ad-hock trip. 

Beach resort in the middle of the city.

Everything went well at first.

We ate. We laugh.
In short, I let loose.

Sampailah the time when we check-in & getting ready for a dip in the pool.

Aku tak puas hati bila depa (the hubs & my daughters) had fun without me.
Aku tak puas hati bila depa boleh gelak-gelak, happy-happy seronok main air without me.
Aku tak puas hati bila depa seronok enjoying the holiday while I have to sit back and watch out for my lil baby.

I love my baby. I do. I really do.
I enjoy spending time with him, since kalau weekdays he'll be with at the nursery and clings to his daddy like a baby koala.

Cumanya, as I said.
Aku tak puas hati. Or is it something else?

I don't know.

I burst out easily when I'm tired.
I shouted at my kids and husband when the house is a mess.

I know I think too much. Especially on things that has not happen yet.

I just can't help it.

Kalau rumah tak vakum, nanti rambut dan habuk teruk berselerak atas lantai.
Bila tak vakum, habuk dan rambut pun bersepah bertambah.
Lepas tu, anak-anak mula tak sihat.
Demam. Selsema. Batuk.

Memang la sama-sama jaga.
Tapi yang berat kepala, aku juga.

Dah penat jaga depa, kena kemas rumah jugak. Kena lipat kain jugak.

Kalau rumah kotor, bila nak sehat?
Macamana anak-anak nak kuat?

Belum masuk cerita kisah seram mencari kutu depa.
Dan basuh tangan baju sekolah yang ada kotoran susah tanggal hurmmm

Aku memang tak kuat.
Mungkin dengan marah-marah, I'm letting go of the steam a bit.

But,
The steam is not good for the family.
Not good for the husband.
Not good for me.

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