Only a matter of time and patience :)

                                             

It's been many years since I have put up that wish list in my blog. And three of them was achieved all within the same year!

Ceteker yang mana? 

Things I've learnt from the year 2020

1) Don't buy a fancy planner for next year. The plain normal one works fine.

2) A nice working space is important for every home. It sure helped with mine.

3) Be willing to spend money on things that will help you with your work - office work & house work. 

4) Planning and following a schedule is good for everyone in the house. Not just you.

5) Insist on having help with house chores. It's their house too!

6) Plan for more dates and staycation with the family! And act on it!

7) To be happy is more important than being perfect. But, it's hard to be happy, when every one else too busy looking out for their own...

I hope my children are happy. Ibu minta maaf sebab selalu marah-marah.

What if?

Another friend is leaving the office.

Part of it was because of stress from work. And only the husband will be earning money. The wife will try to work-from-home as a full-time mother plus trying on online businesses. 

Even so, both husband and wife were happy to leave and start over. To be better partners in marriage and better parents to their kids and soon-to-be born lil one.

I'm so happy for them. And prayed that Allah grants them health and ease them in everything they do *ameeen*

~~~~~~~

Will I be willing to start over at a new place and new environment?

To be honest, I'm not sure.

Siapa

Team building literally means the action or process of causing a group of people to work together effectively as a team, especially by means of activities and events designed to increase motivation and promote cooperation.

And technically, a company will usually arranged for a team building program when there's a need to unite and harmonise the working environment in a company. 

The thing is, all of us staff are already very effective in working as a team. And we also cooperate well with one another.

Tapi tulahtu. 

Siapa sebenarnya yang perlukan program ni??

One of those mornings

Sedang bersiap-siap pagi tadi, I can hear the husband and kids laughing and joking around while waiting for their mommy to be ready.

Something that’s not normal when they are alone with me.

 

With me, there’ll be shouting and high pitch voices like, 

“Cek balik! Kang tertinggal!”

“Kenapa tak siap lagiii?!”

“Tolong laa kemas mainan tu sementara nak tunggu ibu!”

Ya Allah, please bless my husband for being the source of happiness for the family. And please give me the patience to be a better parent to my children ♥️

It's OK. You're OK :)

Everyone has their own tribe - people whom they vibe with.

 

So, as an individual you don't have to succumb to changing yourself so you can fit in. 

It's OK if you're not someone's cup of tea.  

 

Likewise, it is OK for someone to not be our cup of tea.

 

What's not OK is to rally other people to dislike someone whom you (we) don't like as if we're the one who need validation.

 

Instead, what we can do instead is to choose to co-exist.

 

We can leave people to their own glory and just be happy for them. 

Help each other sincerely, and just be happy for them.

Help each other sincerely, and be of assistance whenever necessary. 

 

Because it's the right thing to do.

 

This world is a big place - it can accommodate you, me and other people as well.  

                                                                                                                                        - HR

Self-entitl3ment

Aku 'ter'naik suara kat ofismate aku last week. 

Yakin je yang aku tak sengaja kan??

 

~~~~~

Our thumbprint machine in the office got broken. 

So, aku dengan gembiranya masuk ofis tak thumbprint, assuming that I can only thumbprint when that thing get fixed. 

Three weeks went by. And just last week I knew that everyone else thumb themselves in-and-out at the main office.

Haa aku pun apa lagi. Meletop ah! 

Apsal aku tak tahu? 

Kenapa takde sapa kabo apa-apa? 

Apsal ko tak share dalam group kata boleh thumb kat main office?

And this one officemate, with her annoyed face and mata menjeling replied, 

"Saya ada effort untuk tanya HR. Kenapa akak takde effort untuk tanya?"

Dan aku pun ape lagi, MELETOP AH!

 

~~~~~

I didn't asked the HR because I've reported about the issue since the first week. And I was just waiting for her or the others (dean/HOD) who might be able to update on the matter since they also knew about this.

So, imagine my annoyance when this mate sesukehati said that I did not put in the effort?!

 

HELLO! YANG HANG DAH TAHU TAPI TAK SHARE THE INFO TU DAH KENAPA? 

SELFISH!!!

~~~~~

I guess she's just felt offended with my tone of voice at that time and responded as such as a mode to defend herself. 

I get it. My fault for yelling and making her uneasy since it really is not her job to inform me.

 

And I did say my sorry for yelling at her. 

She replied, "Tulah. Sentap kita...". 

 

OK. I'm now on her blacklist. And I'm OK with that. 

Salah sendiri.

 

I do, however, still believe that she should share the info/update with everyone else.

Am I wrong to think so?

 

Ah. Dah tua-tua macam ni semua benda rasa tak kena. Pfft.

Terkena.

Dari pagi sampai malam, mak kita ni asyik sibukkkk je nak buat itu ini. Nak siapkan itu ini. Nk masak pulak lagi. 

Semua benda dia nak buat. Semua benda dia nk kemas. Tapi dia penat. Dia tau dia tak larat. Tapi dia nak buat jugak. Sebab rasa tanggungjawab. Sebab fitrah si emak yang nk tengok semua sempurna. 

Untuk siapa? Untuk kita juga, kan? 

Memang syurga lah untuk mak-mak kita semua. 

Tapi ceritanya sekarang, kita ni taknak ke masuk syurga sama-sama dengan mak kita? Taknak ke bantu @ ringankan kerja mak kita tu? 

Kita punya seronok dapat gelak gembira tengok TV. Sedangkan mak kita tu tengah kecik ati sebab dia kna buat kerja sorang-sorang. Sebab ampa gelak gembira tanpa dia. Sebab takde sapa nak teman dia duduk susah penat sama dengan dia. 

Memanglah syurga untuk mak kita. 

Tapi, kita ni taknak masuk syurga gak ke?! 

Welcoming 2020

Started the new year weighing at 59 kg.
And got into a huge fight with the husband.

Such a bad start.
How’s yours?

11 years.

I love you husband.
So much.

I may not good at showing it. Or even saying it out loud.
But I really, really love you.
So much.

Allah is so kind to me.
You are the one gift that is not for sharing!

Thank you for accepting me as me.
For always putting me first.
For always considering me in all your decision making.

I love you.
So much.
My darling. My baby.

My handsome man baby :*

Proud.

My sister got into CFS IIUM! *yay*

If only she knew how blessed she was.
I know that being the youngest is not always easy. But the perks of it was quite many.

Thank you Allah, for the continuous blessing upon my family.
Semoga kami semua tidak lupa diri.

Getting my hands on T-oujours K-ids Fruit & Vegetable blend.
Insyaallah!

The day I took the first pill, I got serious headache. Got very tired. Felt like doing nothing. Nak baringgggg je.

Read somewhere online. Rupanya I'm experincing some of its side effects. Tapi doc kate takde side effect langsung? Ntah la. Lain orang lain pengalaman.

But, yeah. I noticed that I'm calmer.

I still get angry though. Cuma it didn't get to my head. The anger somehow being compressed and instead of yelling, I just raised my voice a bit and then stopped talking.

Wow. Never knew I can do that. Because for sometime now, kalau aku marah2, it will always get messy where I'll end up feeling guilty of all the nasty words came up from this monster mummy.

And it is always the kids who will have to endure it. Kasihan depa.
Ibu minta maaf sayang :(

Prozac 101

Made it to the psychiatrist.
I thought the doctor would make me lie on my back and ask me questions and let me cry and all.
Nothing like that at all.

She scolded me some more adelah *hahaha*

Asked me about my salary. And scolded me for still working with the company that didn't appreciate me financially.

I told her that life is not all about money. It's more than that.

And she scolded me back again. Saying that everything needs money. And I'll feel much better if I have more money to spend on myself.

Tough love this one.

She sent for the hubs and the kids. Wanted to ask them about me I guess.

"You selalu main hp ka? Jangan la main hp, tolong isteri you buat kerja rumah..."
"Mama selalu marah-marah ka kat rumah? Doktor kasi mama ubat, kasi you tak kena marah lagi mau ka??"

Sungguh ka dia ni doktor ni??

Ching!

Finally! 

Had the chance to have a one-on-one date with le hubsbaby! 

Coincidently on the V-day, OK? 

*hashtagdoneclaim*

I was usually the one who plans, and he’s the one paying hiks.

But this time, I don’t really feel like it. 

No jitters. No happy-romantic mood or the like. 

I expected nothing. 

Entah why. Rasa macam rugitakgunacutisebabcutidahlulustapibanyakkejenakbuattapikejemanapernahabesbilalaginakdatingtpbukanadeduitpunnaksplurgeondatesntahlaaaaaaaaaaaa

Mungkin sebab dah lama sangat pending nak dating, when the time actually fits, I felt just OK. 

I got afraid of planning.

Because when I plan something nice, something will come up and ruins it. 

He gotta work. Umar warded. Cuti abes jaga Umar warded. Cannot cuti because too much work pending attending to the baby. Money wasted on eating out cause mommy’s too tired stressed to use the kitchen. I could go on and on and on and on...

.

.

.

Registered for a seminar last weekend. 

At first, I registered for the course mainly because it is on a Saturday and it was held near BBB. 

So many plans in my head: shopping, food hunting, and the likes.

My colleagues who went to the same program looked at me weirdly and asked, 

“Kenapa taknak balik terus? Tak rindu anak ke?”

I answered, “Waktu aku keluar rumah tadi pagi pun, sorang pun tak keluar babai ibu depa... pakat melekat dengan abah saja, kau rasa?!”

.

.

It’s not that I don’t miss them, I do! 

But I just want to do something for me. Go somewhere that I want fo be without having to think about anyone else. I just want go be bothered about my own stuff, my own needs. 

.

.

Initially, I enjoyed the date. But I knew it’ll be a better date if the kids are around. Then I’ll complain again saying I want my me-time blablabla 

Story of my current life. 

Normally, it did not hurt this much.

Ibu yang terbersalah.

“Korang dah try bagi xxx? Cuba lah, orang kata bagus...”

“Engkorang bagi dia makan apa ni? Ade benda yang  dia tak boleh makan ni...”

“Dah cuba rawatan xxx?”

“Sikit-sikit masuk hospital. Suke sangat duduk sana ye?”

“Tak cuba hospital xxx? Hospital xxx tu bukan elok sangat...”

“Xyah la hantar dia ke taska laa. Hantar je rumah orang, xde masuk hospital selalu...”

“Ape laa yang ko makan time pregnant dia dulu? Tulaa makan tak jaga...”

Ye. 

Semua salah aku. 

Aku yang buat anak aku jadi macamni.

Aku yang mintak. Aku yang mencari. 

Amacam? 

Dah puas hati? 

Silver lining? Why silver? Why can't it be yellow?

Someone took my sandals today.
Right after Maghrib prayer.

When I realised that it was lost, I was not that shocked.
Do not know why.

Maybe it has to do with something that I have said last time.
About wanting to lose my slippers and have the reason to buy a new one?

But, the one that was lost today was not a slipper.
It was my fave sandals!
.
.
The good thing is: I have a reason to scout/buy a new one! *yay*
The problem is: I do not really have the money/time at the moment. *sad*

I can't bring the whole team with me because:

1) It will be a lost of their time having to wait and jumping in-and-out of shops just so I could find something that I like and has good pricing as well! 

2) I will easily lost my patience and my appetite to shop when they make faces and grumps for having to wait for me finish shopping!

I have issues. I know.
But I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Solution?
- will do the shopping part alone
- need to go see someone about me and my anger management issues.
But I doubt it. I don't think I'll do that. Cause I do not have the time!

Happy New Year

“Umar dah setahun lebih ye? Dah ‘langkah longkang’ kan? Orang tua-tua percaya, kata kalau budak boleh langkah longkang maknanya dah beso la tu, dah takde sakit-sakit dah insyaallah...”

Checking in at exactly 2 days after the above conversation.
Talked too soon.